A Slice of Happiness!

The Husband Chronicles - Part 16

2011-12-28T14:17:00.003+05:30

I am blessed to be one of the rare wives whose husbands actually listen to them when they talk, and enthusiastically respond to their conversation too, no matter what the topic may be, I thought! I was so happy about this that I even presented God with, pure ghee, grainy and yummy besan laddoos in gratitude *manners, people, manners!*

:(

Turns out The Husband just pretends to listen attentively, at least most of the times.

I’ve had my doubts in recent times, but rested easy as I happily assumed that God, well-fed on my bribe of laddoos would not allow it to happen. How could I forget, God is a man!

After a few doubts had turned into certainties I decided to put my theory to test.

The Husband and I were having a perfectly boring conversation about maids/plumbers/suchlike to which his responses were unnecessarily enthusiastic. In the middle of the completely anal conversation I let slip in a quick line “soiwillbeelopingwithsalmankhanfornewyears” to which The Husband responded with a wow, a smile faker than Shilpa Shetty’s nose and a thumbs up sign!

So now, I have The Husband’s approval to elope with Salman. And God, I want my laddoos back!

The Husband Chronicles - Part 15

2011-09-12T01:21:00.000+05:30

When I was single I dreamt and prayed I would marry someone unique. Someone who would have qualities no one else possessed.

Well, God was listening all right! For he sent along The Husband, who certainly has some very unique qualities.

To elaborate, The Husband bites his lip and cheek to suppress his laughter whenever I say or do something funny, which is more than a dozen times a day. Amma has confirmed that this is a childhood trait.
The Husband also stifles a yawn because, according to him, yawning open mouthed looks ungainly. Guinness, you have a potential record holder here!
Romantic verses of my favorite Hindi songs sung aloud by me are responded to with a ‘What does that mean’ because The Husbands knowledge of Hindi/Urdu is as good as mine is of Telugu, which is nil. I am supposed translate and explain in English, if you please! ‘Jidhar dekhoon, teri tasveer nazar aati hai’ translated to ‘Wherever I look I can see your picture’ somehow just doesn’t cut it!

Sigh!

Note to self: When you ask God for something next time, be specific!

The Husband Chronicles - Part 14

2011-08-17T12:56:00.001+05:30

‘Why are you carrying such a big, heavy bag?’ is what The Husband unfailingly asks each time we step out of the house together. In the initial days I mistook it for a query and answered it. Time and experience have bestowed wisdom and these days I just roll my eyes/snort/flash a fake smile, depending on the mood.

So, in case you are curious, about why I carry a ‘big, heavy bag’ and what could the contents be, the bag holds my keys, tissues, a small mirror, lippy and liner, my sunglasses and cell phone AND The Husbands 3 cell phones, wallet, 2 card cases, spare visiting cards, sunglasses, glasses, important papers, keys and car keys.

Very soon I’ll need to start carrying a strolley.

Cooking up a storm!

2011-06-23T18:10:00.003+05:30

If I had an idli for each of the times I’ve been told ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’ I would be able to cover the earth till it resembled one humungous idli, and even then had some left over to munch on as I went about completing the task.

Born into a Punjabi family I was under the impression that mine was a community obsessed with food, till I wed into the Andhra Community and learnt otherwise.

Every time I meet someone new, ‘Bagunaara?’ (How are you?) is more often than not followed by the question ‘You cook?’ When I smile and cheerfully answer, ‘No!’ the expression on the opposite face it a Kodak moment. When Amma is with me, she hastily steps in to add ‘I am teaching her to cook and she is picking up recipes very fast!’ The Kodak expression is replaced by relief for a fleeting moment, before the next question appears ‘So you will cook after you learn?’ to which I still smile and still cheerfully answer ‘No!’

Thing is, I can’t cook, rather, I don’t cook. Oh hell! Why am I sugar-coating words, I D.O.N.T L.I.K.E to cook! A multitude of cooking lessons from Amma and there is still no sign of my inner Nigella Lawson making an appearance anytime I enter the kitchen. I do rustle up a few dishes, because I HAVE to not because I WANT to and no, cooking them doesn’t give me the ‘joy’ or ‘sense of accomplishment’ that many people I know get from preparing a meal.

Now, in my newly-adopted community, if there is anything worse than not cooking, it is not cooking for your husband. And I have committed this blasphemy and continue doing so, save for the times I dish out hot dosas for breakfast, with chutneys made from scratch accompanying them, or make sambhar, which was so delish my Mum couldn’t believe I made it, or put together a creamy payasam on festive occasions that the God’s wish they could lap up or make a Pessarettu Upma with Ginger Chutney which is so wicked, I go into disbelieving shock every time I make it! But everyday cooking is still chore I would rather avoid.

So here I am, newly-inducted into a community which lives, breathes and discusses food, when they are not eating it, patiently waiting for meal invites from all the wonderful women who are kitchen-Goddesses and do a great job of it! More power to you ladies, call me! Soon!

And as for ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ lets just say I have found other ways.

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 13

2011-05-17T14:28:00.004+05:30

When I was preparing myself to get married, I mentally psyched myself to face, and deal with, every eventuality that may crop up in our married life.
From something as common as the absence of maids, a situation which had, and still has me, tearing my hair apart… to a likely event as the annual Bombay floods, where , if the scenario arose where we had just one lifejacket and/or a last biscuit between us I would gladly give it away to The Husband…and even something absurdly farfetched as the tiger in the song ‘Hum tum ek kamre mein band ho’ from the film ‘Bobby’ approaching us would have me willingly give up my life for The Husband.

When I said, E.V.E.R.Y E.V.E.N.T.U.A.L.I.T.Y, I meant it.

Almost 6 months of married life later, it has become glaringly obvious that I didn’t cover every eventuality. As I definitely had no idea I should have prepared myself for dealing with a 6 foot spoilt brat! A brat spolit rotten who sulks (too often and for days on end), throws tantrums (not too often) is more stubborn than 200 mules put together and has to be cajoled and pleaded with to get things done.

Phew!

If only I wasn’t such an advocate of ‘Sparing the rod’ if would be fun to spank him into behaving! ;-D

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 12

2011-03-17T17:33:00.002+05:30

A few days ago, The Husband was reading an article about Hugh Hefner. He put the paper down and announced to me ‘This man is my ido!’, punching Hugh’s wrinkled face on the paper, even as he smiled impishly.

I rolled my eyes.

This morning an article on Silvio Berlusconi caught his eye. ‘I love this man, he’s my idol!’ Unfortunately there was no accompanying picture of the comical Berlusconi to punch on paper, though the mischievous smile was.

‘Interesting choice of idols...’ I responded, adding ‘ ...if you must know, then Elizabeth Taylor is mine...’

You could have heard a pin drop.

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 11

2011-03-17T14:58:00.004+05:30

A tense silence hangs over the house these days. Amma and me cast furtive glances at each other every time the doorbell rings. The reason, we’re auditioning for a good cook, for CP (yes, we’ve abbreviated the Chinna Pillavadu to just small and sweet CP)

The specifications given by The Husband are, the cook should be a good cook (isn’t that obvious?) she should be able to cook up multi cuisines (dream on, Brother!) she should be hygiene conscious (Ha!)punctual (Ha!Ha!Ha!) and be ready to improvise and follow instructions (Hahahahahahahahahahaha!)

Though I agree with him on all the specifications on his list, I think it is obvious The Husband is a newbie to the world of Maids! ;-D Meanwhile, the auditions go on…

The Marriage Chronicles - Part 1

2011-03-06T10:15:00.002+05:30

From the 1^st, of the 5 in all, wedding receptions we had, we’ve had one constant request.

190million requests for a baby boy. 189 million requests for a ‘fair’ baby boy. 120 million requests for twins, both boys. 110 million requests for twins, 1 girl and 1 boy. 12 million requests for triplets. And 1 request for a baby girl. The requests still continue.

People, do you realize that The Husband and I will need to set up an entire new universe to accommodate all your requests? And ever give a thought to my survival, if I decide to honor those requests?!

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 10

2011-02-28T18:45:00.004+05:30

So, Amma was telling me about someone, a human being , who eats 15 idlis mixed with 2 litres of sambhar for breakfast each day. And this someone mixes the idlis and sambhar by squelching them together into one gooey mess which he slurps down in 10 minutes flat! After I got over the shock, I began quizzing Amma about the dimension of each idli, how thick the sambhar would be,etc,etc *I think I have started considering myself quite an expert where south-indian food is concerned. Me and my delusions! *rolls her eyes*

From behind the paper, he was obviously just pretending to read, The Gossip-hater Husband snorted. “I don’t understand why someone’s dietary habits are being discussed by the 2 of you so animatedly,” he remarked, as he put the paper down, “and how does it concern the 2 of you’ll what, and how, someone eats?” his eyes bored into each of us by turn.

Amma and me tried to look suitably chastened but a fit of giggles just wouldn’t let us.

“God!” The Husband looked heavenward, “stop discussing people and do something productive, for a change!”

More giggles…

“And besides, 15 idlis is no big deal, I can, and have, eaten them too!” he proclaimed before walking out of the room.

Me, I decided to follow his advice and do something productive, for a change.

After a hurried conference with Amma I first confirmed that The Husband has never, and will never, be able to consume that much at one go. I then challenged him to finish 15 idlis and 2 litres of sambhar in 10 minutes just to prove himself.

He hemmed, he hawed, he dilly-dallied and finally agreed to finish 15 idlis. 15 MINI idlis.

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 9

2011-02-27T17:32:00.001+05:30

So, The Husband is on ‘water therapy’ today, for 'a healthier lifestyle' . So,I’ve been instructed to fill a copper pot with water, and replenish it each time The Husband finishes drinking from it. And, I’m supposed to be doing this throughout the day.

Did I mention that the ‘water therapy for a healthier lifestyle’ is being carried between having rava dosa with 3 types of chutneys for breakfast, fried fish, fish in a tangy gravy, spicy chicken, rasam and dal for lunch and pizza to munch on in the in evening while watching, and being the armchair expert for, the India-England World Cup match?

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 8

2011-02-26T10:46:00.007+05:30

The Husband, apparently, hates gossip. I on the other hand thrive on gossip and have found an equally enthusiastic accomplice in Amma *my lovely ma-in-law* While Amma’s cooking lessons to me are in progress, we are so deep in talk, discussing lives of film-stars, politicians, neighbors and even their neighbors, etc, that we don’t even realize when The Husband is standing behind, glaring down at us before he walks away with disgust writ large on his face.

Yesterday The Sulking Husband walked in to see Amma and me doubled up in laughter over a particularly juicy bit of gossip. After directing the customary glare coupled with a disgusting expression on his face our way, he proclaimed “Whoever you’ll are making fun of is making 10 times more fun of you’ll” before he walked out of the room.

Did the statement have any effect on us? Yes it did. We laughed till tears were streaming down our faces! ;-D

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 7

2011-02-23T23:24:00.003+05:30

When I first met The Husband, the immediate adjectives that came to mind were ‘strong and silent’ After I wed him, I’ve added another one to the previous two, sulking.

For I’ve realized that The Husband is a 6-foot tall spoilt brat when Amma is around.

He sulks if the breakfast menu is not what he wanted it to be. He sulks if we are late and/or disorganized. He sulks if we are inattentive. He sulks.Period.

And his chubby cheeks make him look so cute when he sulks that I’ve named him ‘Chinna Pillavadu’ *little boy*. Amma and Appa are thrilled about the nick name! ;-D

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 6

2011-02-23T23:06:00.000+05:30

The Husband grew up in Ooty, enjoying freezing winters and pleasant weather all year round. Me, I grew up in Bombay, where a temperature of 22 degrees is our excuse for winter. Each ‘winter’, as the temperature dips, out come my thick socks, my flannel sweatshirt and my special quilt, made with 10 kgs of cotton.

Ever since I shifted to this really high floor of this really high, high-rise, I haven’t once switched on the fan,as the breeze that blows in from my open windows is pleasant enough for me. Yes, I do feel colder than most people I know.

With the onset of summer, The Husband has started feeling the Mumbai heat. The outcome, the air-con is turned to a low 15 degrees for a while as I shiver in my thick socks, under my 10 kg duvet, which The Husband has christened ‘The Monster’. I think I need to get my flannel sweatshirt out of storage.

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 5

2011-02-19T10:55:00.003+05:30

I often find my married friends complaining about how their husbands don’t notice any new wardrobe, cosmetic or aesthetic changes in their appearance.

The Husband on the other hand notices every minute detail and change immediately. New haircut, different styling, new accessories, everything is immediately noticed and complimented or commented upon.

I pay heed to his advice because he’s got a fab eye and a sense for fashion. Also, he’s got great taste. He chose me, after all!;-D

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 4

2011-02-15T14:22:00.004+05:30

Anyone who knows me well, knows of my phenomenal memory. I remember what people wore when I met them for the first time, what someone may have said a dozen years ago, names, faces, and all sorts of trivia. Why, I even remember roads and landmarks of countries visited eons ago!

No more.

Ever since I got married, my phenomenal memory seems to have deserted me. I don’t remember what I was saying 5 minutes ago, forget names and faces and as for directions and landmarks, I have confidently mis-directed The Husband on various occasions.

The memory has deteriorated so much that The Husband now calls me Ghajini.

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 3

2011-02-14T15:23:00.006+05:30

So, The Husband wants us to get a dog. Me, I’m terrified of all kinds of dogs, even the stuffed-animal variety. After having many one-sided conversations about various breeds, The Husband decided on a German Shepherd.

“Think of it this way, with our dog around you'll always feel safe…” I rolled my eyes at ‘our dog’

“Either I stay with you or your future dog does, you decide.” I coolly replied, waiting to see what his answer would be.

“We are getting the dog…” answered The Husband, causing me to raise my eyebrow…

“…because you and me are one soul. So no chance of an either/ or situation or you going away, is there? ” he grinned impishly.

Who says women always get the last word in an argument?

:)

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 2

2011-02-13T16:08:00.003+05:30

I’m not very sleep fond. Afternoon naps make me feel puky, and holidays are meant for lazing around, reading, watching tv and films wagairah wagairah, anything except sleeping. So when I first met The Husband, well, he wasn’t ‘The Husband’ yet, and he told me he dislikes sleeping excessively and naps only for an hour on Sundays, I was delighted and immediately added 100 brownie points to his rapidly increasing score card. What delighted me still further was one more thing we had in common, not carrying our work with us when we travel, which meant no laptop and no phones, only in my case. 100 more points were added to the score card.

Post marriage I discovered that with a little more practice The Husband just might give Kumbhkaran a run for his legendry reputation. So after twiddling my thumbs, staring out of various hotel windows, counting cars on unknown roads below, memorising room service menu’s and having countless imaginary conversations, I now carry the laptop with me and am logged onto to the internet, and more importantly facebook, even as Kumbhkaran in the making is bettering his own record next to me.

Peace, love and goodwill now reign supreme.

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 1

2011-02-13T15:41:00.002+05:30

Returning home from the honeymoon, we are whiling away time and money shopping at duty free when I see The Husband picking out booze like the supply might be going out of stock for good.

“So many?” I quiz, already in typical wife mode.

“Hmmmm……” The Husband is in deep thought as he selects bottles.

“What for?” I ask, since I am a teetotaler, and The Husband is a social drinker.

“In case of emergency...” is the reply, as a vodka bottle is chosen.

“What emergency?” I ask , even as I wonder why I’m using only 2 syllables per question.

“You know…” he shrugs

“What?” I grin, “someone might collapse, seriously lacking booze in their blood stream and we just might have to attach the bottle via an intravenous drip to revive them. Emergency ?”

Laughter. And only 3 bottles bought.

Winds of change...

2011-01-28T18:18:00.003+05:30

When I was single, I was often advised ‘Never get married. Everything changes after marriage.’

Get married I did, much against various statutory warnings *and pssssssstttt, it’s not as bad as people tell you it is!* But in the few weeks that I have been married, I find out everyday how much things, not everything please note, change *so they were right about something at least!*

For instance;

I am so chuffed that I survived without regular doses *read24*7*of the internet AND facebook for the past 2 months!! I was wondering if I could accomplish a hat-trick till the with drawl symptoms hit bad, really bad!

I have never been gifted so many pressies as I have in the last few weeks, post marriage! I am so delighted that I was actually wondering aloud if we should renew our vows each year, till a dirty look from The Husband quashed the thought instantly!

My life has now been segregated into two neat sections; A.B (After Bai ) and B.B(Before Bai)I have a list of things to finish doing before the maids come in and after they complete their work for the day and leave. I even schedule my work appointments to match their timings. My clients are in shock.

I now wake up to see the sun rising, without the aid of an alarm, or come to think of it even before the useless thing decides to bleddy ring! My mother is in shock.

Shoe and bag shops no longer excite me, but I had to be held back from dancing on the counters on the premises of Rathna Steel , Chennai. Who would have known that the sight of steel vessels could do that to me? I am still in shock.

I now have the numbers of the maids, milkman, paperboy, pest control man, vegetable vendor, grocery vendor on my speed dial. My cellphone is in shock.

I make a mean filter coffee each morning for The Husband. The Husband is still in shock.

I have now realized that I can enjoy the fiery Andhra cuisine and maybe even survive it after a few Rantac’s. My stomach is in shock.

I now have an unpronounceable surname. All those who hear it are in shock.

;-D

2010-08-04T15:55:00.000+05:30

‘India’s most eligible bachelor is getting hitched!’ pouted my friend
‘Rahul Gandhi?’ I questioned, with trepidation
‘That chashmish is NOT eligible and with a history of family members being assassinated with clockwork precision there’s no surprise that he’s a bachelor either! How can you even like him?’ friend questioned with a disgusting look
‘Because I have good taste’ I smiled smugly. ‘So who is this eligible bachelor getting hitched?’ I wanted to know
‘Guess…’ she sulked ‘…who is responsible for my heartbreak…’she sighed dramatically
‘Salman Khan?’ my heart was hammering
‘No’ *phew*
‘I’ll give you a hint…you’ll never guess’ she smiled mysteriously
‘Why?’ now I was curious
‘Just…’friend was now checking out her nails ‘…think of names that never cross your mind…’
‘Ummm…Dr APJ Abdul Kalam?’
‘Who the hell is THAT?’ friend shrieked
‘Narendra Modi?’
‘Puhleeeeeezzzz!’
‘Ratan Tata?’
‘He’s a dish…but no…too old!’ friend rolled eyes
‘Atal Bihari Vajpayee?’
‘How do you even know these names??!!’ friend shrieked some more, with an even more disgusting look on face ‘My heart is breaking here and you think it’s a joke!’
‘You did ask me to think of names that never cross my mind!’I retaliated, ‘So, who is it???’ my curiosity could now rival that of 20 cats
‘Vivek Oberoi!’ she sighed...
‘What!! Eligible Bachelor? Him?'
‘Told you, you’d never guess!’ friend pouted
‘No surprise, I couldn’t guess. I told you, I have good taste’ I smiled smugly.

Oh Boy!

2010-07-05T14:10:00.011+05:30

I love Tags and being Tagged.
When Pushpa Tagged me I was thrilled, till I realized what it was about.
The Tag requires you to list at least ten things you have ever wanted, or done, which your gender is not supposed to.

I’m a total girly girl who enjoys every aspect of being one and I really had to think, and then think some more, to come up with the 10 points required.
Here they are;

** I’m not big on personal shopping. I shop twice a year and I’m done.

** I don’t think, “All men are bastards”, either because I’ve probably only met the good ones, or maybe because they are on their best behavior around me ;-D

** Though I could cook a bit, if you put a gun to my head, I don’t.

** Contrary to popular belief , I have always thought that as women we have it easier than men do. Unlike us, men have to subscribe to norms; they can rarely express their emotions and can almost never choose to opt out of the rat race and just sit home if they want to.

** I think a woman's worst enemy is another woman.

** I take super quick showers and get dressed in a jiffy.

** My beauty routine consists of washing my face a couple of times a day, and the only cosmetics I own are lippys and liner.

** I think beng gifted flowers is a waste of money, and I despise red roses.

** I think it’s really cruel to ask a man, “Do I look fat in this?” This question should be legally banned and penalized if/whenever used.

** I really, really, desperately want to learn the fingers-in-mouth shrill whistle.

And now for the tough part. I’ve got to tag people.
If you read this and you don’t take the tag up you are - ‘cursed to wear blue clothes pants if you are a woman and pink shirts if you are a man – for next twelve years’. So I tag, Anuja, Aarti, Maya, Nautilus, Sandhya and Shelly.

Meet, Osama Balan

2010-07-03T16:57:00.005+05:30

Sigh!

2010-06-17T15:20:00.003+05:30

Dear Sonu,
One of my most favorite songs sung by you is the title song of Kal Ho Na Ho, ‘Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi’
I had a lump in my throat when I first heard that song, and my eyes still mist over each time I hear it. I’m reacting much the same way when I first saw these pictures, and each time I see them.

If I were...

2010-06-08T16:15:00.009+05:30

I’ve wanted to write a new blog post, but ideas eluded me, till I spotted this very interesting Tag on Aarti’s Blog !:)

If I were a month...I would be December. A month of celebrations, and endings and always followed by a new beginning.

If I were a day of the week… I would be Wednesday. I was born on one and personally love the day.

If I were a time of day... I would be 4 pm. Tea-time!

If I were a season... I would be Spring. A season of freshness, color and abundance!

If I were a planet…I would be Mercury, the planet of all communications.

If I were a sea animal…I would be an Octopus. Multi-tasking!

If I were a direction... I would be straight!;-D

If I were a piece of furniture… I would be a Rocking Chair, bringing comfort.

If I were a liquid…I would be water! What else?

If I were a tree…I would be the Maple. Love Maple Syrup, and the glorious colors the leaves change to in autumn.

If I were a tool…I would be a Needle. Useful when handled right. Hazardous, when not ;-D

If I were an element…I would be Air. Vital and free!

If I were a gemstone…I would be an Emerald. Radiant, intense and gorgeous.

If I were a musical instrument... I would be a Violin. Compact, tuneful and held so lovingly ;)

If I were a color... I would be Red! The color of celebration, zest and passion!

If I were an emotion…I would be compassion. God knows the world could do with loads of it!

If I were a fruit… I would be a Strawberry. Pretty and nutritious.

If I were a sound…I would be peals of laughter!

If I were a car…I would be a cherry red Mini Cooper Convertible. Cool, no?

If I were a food…I would be Kadhi - Chawal. Yum comfort food!

If I were a taste…I would be tangy! ;)

If I were a scent…I would be that of bread or cookies baking. Mmmmmmmmm!

If I were a pair of shoes…I would be be Bedroom Slippers. Soft, cosy and bring relief the moment you slip your feet into them.

If I were a bird…I would be an Eagle. Majestic and powerful.

If you like this tag…go ahead, do it!:)

Housefull : Recipe for disaster

2010-05-01T18:24:00.002+05:30

The Ingredients;

1 top Hero, Akshay Kumar

2 Side Heroes, Arjun Rampal and Riteish Deshmukh

1 Comic Actor, Boman Irani

2 over the top currently-out-of-work veteran/almost veteran actors, Randhir Kapoor and Chunky Pandey

3 scantily clad Bimbos, Lara Dutta, Deepika Padukone and Jiah Khan

1 fast paced item number

The Seasoning;

Skin show (both male and female)

Chic costumes

Songs scattered through

Cliches (which must include Gujju’s and homosexuals)

Corny Humor

The Garnish;

Scenic locations, Italy. U.K and Macau

Cinematography

Special Note: Adding a Story will spoil the dish.

The Method;

Introduce the main Hero (who is misfortune’s favorite child affectionately called Panauti/Loser, who causes unlucky things to happen wherever he goes. The only thing that keeps him going is a prediction that says his bad luck will change to good luck the day he marries a woman he is in love with and who is in love with him)

Cook on a slow flame as you gradually add the 2 side Heroes ( Riteish Deshmukh as Bob/Baburao who works in a casino, is adorable, while Arjun Rampal, playing Deepika’s brother, glowers sexily throughout the film). Pepper with corny humor.

After a bit, add the Comic Actor as well (Boman Irani, playing a clichéd Gujrati and Lara’s father, is completely wasted).

Since the dish looks bland it’s time to add the scantily clad Bimbos (Lara Dutta playing a cocktail waitress in a sequined red playboy bunny costume, and Deepika who I didn’t understand what she actually did, both of who look toned up and really wonderful, while Jiah Khan, playing a spoilt brat, looks like a nightmare dressed in drag in her bikini shot).

Turn up heat a little with bikini shots/scantily clad shots and animated gestures (Lara Dutta beats Jim Carey hollow with her strange facial expressions) and screechy dialogue deliveries. Sprinkle some more corny humor.

Reduce the flame and cook slowly. Continue adding skin show and throw in a song or 2 at timed intervals. Add some more corny humor.

Let the ingredients mingle on a slow flame and remember to add bits of over the top currently-out-of-work veteran actors (Radhir Kapoor was so animated and loud that I flinched each time he appeared on screen and Chunkey Pandey, the circus needs you!) when you remember to. Time to add the clichés to spice up the dish some more. Don’t forget to add a dash of corny humor as well.

Since the dish is almost done, but looks more appetizing than it tastes, it is now the perfect time to add the fast paced item number.

By now you may have exhausted all the ingredients and realized the dish tastes far from appetizing, so add the garnish to the dish to help enhance it.

Let it cook till done.

Consume at your own risk.

Ladies Special...well, almost!

2010-04-04T14:53:00.002+05:30

Could someone direct me to where the audition for the role of the Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland is being held?

I’m SJP and I can wear anything I want. Unfortunately, so can my husband.

All those chocolate wrappers I hide under the mattress after my binges? I finally decided to put them to some use.

Don't you dare find fault in my outfit in makeup! Look at my Louboutin heels and diamond cuffs and salivate instead!

Hello, everybody! See, I’ve done it again!

Darling, do you realize we’re passing our collective bad dressing sense to our child too?

Yes, I dress in the dark.

I wrote for it!:)

2010-02-21T22:49:00.005+05:30

Like a lot of people all over the world, I’ve read a number of books from the ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ series. If I said it was my dream to write for them someday, I’d be lying through my beautiful white teeth :)
However when the Editor, Raksha Bharadia, approached me through my blog asking if I would like to write for them, I knew I would have been a fool to refuse!

Since the book I was contacted for had ‘Love’ as the theme, the true love story that first came to mind was that of my parents.

And what is their love story?

Read my Parents love story, titled ‘Arranged Love’ on Page 87 of the just released, on Valentine’s Day, ‘Chicken Soup for the Indian Romantic Soul’

It was a monumental task to keep my gob shut from October ’09 when I first submitted the story, to the 18th of February ’10 when 2 copies of the book finally arrived via courier. As it was a surprise The Parents were stunned, before they were pleased and ended up being very proud of me :)

Rahul Dulhaniya Le Jaayega (Swayamvar Season 2)

2010-02-09T23:22:00.003+05:30

He’d been known as a wife-beater during his previous marriage, has had a run-in with the law not so very long ago and was/is supposedly an addict. He laughs in a weird manner, has a perennially lecherous look in his eye and the personality of an ant. It isn’t known what he does for a living, and his only claim to fame is that he is the son of the deceased BJP politician, Pramod Mahajan.

Despite which Rahul Mahajan is the star of the show Rahul Dulhaniya Le Jayega which airs on the channel NDTV Imagine at 8 pm Monday - Friday. If it wasn’t surprising enough that a show with Mahajan as the star was conceived, executed AND aired, it is even more surprising that the channel managed to round up girls to participate in it too!

Out of the 15 girls chosen, some smiled coquettishly; some flirted subtly while others blushed shyly when they came face to face with Rahul Mahajan in the introductory episode. Some said it was their dream to meet him *gulp* others were honored that they had been chosen *double gulp* and one particularly annoying one couldn’t stop gushing about the fact that she has been in love with Rahul for the past 10 years! Rahul greeted each one with a bunch of flowers, a lascivious look in his eyes and used the same sentence, ‘You’re looking very beautiful’, to compliment each of the 15.

On the surface the bedecked, bejeweled and heavily made-up girls appear sane, educated, nice looking and from seemingly good families, but I guess looks could be deceptive, eh?

Since after the program ceases to shock or raise a laugh, it is disturbing to imagine that there are girls who are ready to vie for a man with such a dubious character and murky past, even if the plot may have been scripted for the show and the girls are in it for the fame and money.

I watched the 1st two episodes out of sheer curiosity. Couldn’t get myself to watch any more for the fear that I would throw up if I watched 15 girls throwing themselves on and fighting for a man who has nothing except a (in)famous name going for him.

NDTV Imagine seems intent on choosing people with notorious pasts as protagonists for their Swayamwar’s. Season 1 had Rakhi Sawant, Season 2 has Rahul Mahajan. How about Ajmal Kasab for Swayamwar season 3?

Let’s pretend to be friends

2010-01-29T22:44:00.012+05:30

Let’s pretend to be friends

and talk about things we hear and see.

Discussing the weather

the world, the news.

Everything, except you and me.

Let’s pretend to be friends

as we exchange snippets of our lives.

The designers we so love

bags and shoes we both covet

“I love the way Kareena does her eyes!”

Let’s pretend to be friends

as we carve time from hectic schedules

To meet once in a few years,

few months…few weeks

and talk about our busy lives.

Let’s pretend to be friends

meeting for coffee or a meal.

And smile delightedly

for pictures we’ll put up on Facebook

For similar friends on our list to see.

What were they thinking?????

2010-01-12T13:58:00.006+05:30

Priyanka Chopra: Honest to God, I started off by wearing a saree, till I realized no one would recognize me if I was fully clothed!

Gul Panag: If I smile a lot, flashing my dimples, maybe no one will notice my bad makeup, terrible hair, mismatched clutch, ill fitting patchwork dress and pregnant-looking bloated tummy. Is that asking for too much?

Mallika Sherawat: I’m sooo hot I need to cool myself down, which is why I now design my own outfits. You like?

Rakhi Sawant: After exposing every possible bit of my body and soul to the world, what more is left to show? Here’s hoping my unique style of wearing different colored shoes to match my outfit might get me noticed again!

Rani Mukherjee: I’m done with being demure and traditionally clad all the time, Salman. How do I look?
Salman Khan: Ewwww! Cover up, Rani! And keep it hidden!

Kareena Kapoor: You’re right, I’ve lost it!

Book Review: The Palace of Illusions by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

2010-01-05T00:23:00.012+05:30

Thank you for recommending this book, Maya :)

What I know of the Mahabharata is courtesy the much-revered epic telecast on the small screen years ago. Sunday mornings meant sitting in front of the television watching the majestic Bheeshma Pitamah exuding power, the valiant Arjun skillfully battling his enemies, the enigmatic and wily Krishna using his clever words, sometimes as a soothing balm and at other times as weapons, and the duty-bound Yudhishtir always following the path of righteousness. These were the illustrious characters from the Mahabharata firmly etched in my mind, with a sporadic thought occasionally drifting towards Draupadi.

With ‘The Palace of Illusions’, author Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni places the mysterious, and not as much talked about as the other famous characters, Draupadi as the protagonist.

The first person narrative has Draupadi starting her story from the time she was born from fire when her father, King Drupad, conducted a vigorous 30 - day fire ceremony to pray for a son who would bring him the vengeance he desired. At the end of the ceremony his much longed for son, Dhristadyumna, appeared, along with his sister Draupadi, who was sent along as a, unwanted and unasked for, gift by the God’s. The voices from heaven cautioned King Drupad to take good care of Draupadi as she would eventually ‘change the course of history.’

CBD’s gentle writing gives a voice and emotions to Draupadi making the reader feel along with her as she describes her growing up years and her self-consciousness about her dark complexion, until she meets the equally dark-skinned Krishna who puts her anxiety to rest saying ‘A problem becomes a problem only if you believe it to be so. And often others see you as you see yourself.’ You then raise your eyebrow when Draupadi discovers her attractiveness and sensuality and the power she can command through them.

Through her narration CBD reveals intriguing facets of Draupadi’s many-hued personality.

Draupadi’s curious glimpse into the future by Ved Vyas and his following helpful warning 'Three dangerous moments will come to you. The first will be just before your wedding; at that time hold back your question. The second will be when your husbands are at their height of power; at that time hold back your laughter. The third will be when you’re shamed as you’d never imagined possible; at that time hold back your curse. Maybe it will mitigate the catastrophes to come.' has you creasing your forehead, wondering, and hoping, she pays heed to his advice.

Draupadi’s mystifying friendship with Krishna, which almost borders on love at times, has Krishna making timely appearances to hush her anxious mind or answer her curious questions 'You were just as impatient in your past life. In meditation, you invoked Shiva. He came and stood in front of you, silent and blue as moonlight. You asked for a wish to be granted. He smiled. You asked for it again- and again. Five times you made your wish before he had a chance to say yes. Therefore in this life you will have what you wanted five times over.'

Your heart melts when you comprehend it was a love at first sight moment for Draupadi when she glimpsed the serene Karna, the bastard prince, for the first time at her swayamwar.

Her unbridled pride, temper, vengefulness, which, true to Ved Vyas’s prophecy, caused her to be remembered for causing the greatest war of her time.

CBD’s imagination of Draupadi fleshes out a character which shows you there was much more to her than just being a wife of five husbands. ‘The Palace of Illusion’s’, is a wonderful read, which educates and enlightens, about the Mahabaharata, human nature, and life.

I hate you, Ranbir Kapoor!

2009-12-12T15:33:00.004+05:30

Just after watching a trail show of 'Saawariya' before it released in Nov ’07 my Dad told me ‘Ranbir Kapoor will be a top star 2 years time.’

I scoffed and struck a bet, of Rs 5000000000000000 crores, that Ranbir wouldn’t.

I’m now figuring out how bloody much exactly IS that amount I promised Dad. And, to add insult to injury, how will I manage to pay up?

Movie Review: De Dana Dan

2009-11-28T11:49:00.001+05:30

Audience Interpretation of the words De Dana Dan = beat the hell out of.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the person who conceptualized/plagiarized this film.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the stars and character actors who signed on for this film, and wonder if they knew what utter fools they would be made to look like in it.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the director, who it seemed had no control over his actors, or the film. Screaming at the top of your lungs (till your veins threaten to pop out of your neck), using crude and demeaning language ( ‘kutte ki pilli’, ‘chinaaal, ‘dayan’, ‘budhiya’) does not for a funny film make.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the stylist, whose garish clothes hurt the Audience’s eyes and her aesthetic sensibilities.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the music directors who, even among the 2 of them, couldn’t come up with a decent song.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan herself the most, because all she expected to see was a funny film, and came back with a headache instead.

The only funny bit;
Johnny Lever screaming in exasperation: “Kya main tawaif hoon, jo har aadmi mujhe paise deta hai’ or sum such.

Movie Review: Kurbaan

2009-11-23T18:30:00.005+05:30

Avantika Ahuja (Kareena Kapoor, looking gorgeous!) and Ehsaan Khan (Saif, looking haggard) are fellow professors in a Delhi college which allows them to wear jeans, flirt openly and even kiss in the staff room. *I want to teach here too!* After an endless round of coffee and conversations, a beautifully shot melodious, ‘Shukran Allah’, song and some super costume changes later Avantika finally succumbs to Ehsaan’s charms. He manages to convince Avantika’s skeptical father that their opposing religions will not be a hindrance in their relationship and manages to convince her that women should not be the ones to sacrifice their career and before you know it Ehsaan accompanies Avantika to New York, where she’s been called to resume her teaching job.

After a bit of the requisite newly-wed cootchie cooing, spending time in luxurious hotel room and doing the tourist bit later the couple start looking for a home and settle on a spacious one in an Asian neighborhood.*teaching seems like a very lucrative profession…hmmmmmm* After getting Ehsaan a teaching position in her college , Avantika inexplicably spends the entire day at home as a result of which she discovers that she has some really conservative, and strange, neighbors called Bhaijaan (Om Puri, holding a single grim, more like constipated, expression throughout) and Aaapa (Kirron Kher (speaking in a heavy South Indian dialect which is supposed to be Afghani, btw. Don’t miss the fake penciled eyebrows!) and their suspicious, and unkempt, brood.

With ample time on hand, Avantika starts keeping a watch on her neighbor’s activities and realizes that not only are they ‘terrorists’ who like blowing up airplanes but her husband too is involved with them. *not a very pleasant surprise, eh?* Infact Ehsaan Khan is a dreaded, most wanted by the FBI terrorist who has strangely been able to get into America, live and work there, all without a hitch.

A pregnant, with information and child, Avantika is placed under house arrest, ignored by Ehsaan, scowled at by Bhaijaan and his ilk and is generally miserable until, through a series of incidents she comes into contact with Riyaaz (Vivek Oberoi, good) who needs her help to get to know more about the terrorists.*very popular they are, everyone wants to get to know them!* and together they decide to avenge them/destroy them/set things right *calling 911 would have been so much easier and less messier, guys!*

If you need to know anymore, about the terrorists or otherwise, watch the movie yourself.

Saif and Kareena have great on-screen chemistry, though Kareena far outshines Saif with a sterling performance. She looks great and is superbly outfitted. Saif looks sufficiently mean and conniving enough to play a deceiving guy, a role in which he always seems to excel in. Vivek Oberoi is good, doing his best in a very weak role. The supporting cast disappoints. The film is beautifully shot with the starkness of the cold winter of New York matching the grim and somber mood of the film perfectly. Wish equal attention had been given to the script and editing so that the final product could have been what it wasn’t, taut and on edge.

The intention of the story was right, what was missing was the intensity.

And the well-deserved WWW Award goes to...

2009-11-13T22:31:00.006+05:30

...Ms Vidya Balan!

I can’t believe I’ve pipped J. Lo to win the WWW Award
What shall I wear to receive it? Ummmm…let’s see…

How about the salwar kameez I fashioned out of the saree Mum was throwing away…

...or the one I made out of that lovely tussar silk and kalamkari tablecloth Akka got me from Rajasthan...

...or my favorite, which I designed out of the rich bedspread I received as a gift while inaugurating a home store in Delhi...

…or the one I tailored out of the curtain cloth everyone at home vetoed because of the ghastly color…

Guess I’ll wear my new salwar kameez, which I fashioned out of a block-printed bedsheet...

Thank you, all you lovely people, for bestowing me with the Worst-dressed-Woman-in-the-World Award.
I’ll strive to remain worthy of it as long as I live!

Big Bore!

2009-10-19T18:29:00.006+05:30

The much awaited 3rd season of Big Boss, the Indian version of the infamous reality show Big Brother, premiered on the 4th of October on the channel ‘Colors’. The interiors of the house are contemporary and colorful and Amitabh Bachchan has been roped in to anchor it, perhaps to lend some much-needed dignity to a show which is best desribed as a voyeur’s delight.

Amitabh looks uncomfortable hosting it and the fans of the show seem disappointed by the characters chosen for Season 3. If you switch on your television sets at 9 pm everyday these are the housemates you are most likely to find inhabiting the Big Boss house;

Vindu Dara Singh - The Motor mouth/Crybaby: Yesteryear actor Dara Singh’s son is tall, well-built, swears more colorfully than a sailor would and talks, nonsense, incessantly. He also cries like a baby at every opportunity, given or forcefully taken.

Poonam Dhillon – The Mummy: The Actress and former Miss India is calm, dignified and always well turned out. She prays, loves to cook, talks little and talks sense. She is equally enthusiastic, to help around the house and gracefully avoid all the trouble makers.

Kamal Khan - The Joker: This wannabe would like to believe that he is a star. ‘KRK’, as he has christened himself, never ceases to remind, whoever is interested to know, that he is a multi–millionaire. Yawn. This 2 foot, badly-dressed, aged joker is just a barrel of laughs.

Ismail Darbar - The Sloth: The one-hit wonder music director looks grimy; shirks work, puts his housemates down and does not respect the women of the house. He looks like he’s still trying to fit in, and failing miserably.

Raju Shrivastav – The Comedy of errors: Comedians cannot, should not try to be, and aren’t, funny 24*7 is what Raju has demonstrated by coming on this show. Using degrading language and poking fun at his fellow housemates behind their backs makes him look even more tragic.

Rohit Verma – The Queen: This Fashion Designer loves dressing up, make-up, gossiping, Lord Krishna, washing vessels and little else in the house. He seems like the most genuine person in the house, so far, who is delightfully politically incorrect and doesn’t hesitate to remind people of their place.

Sheryln Chopra – Huh?: Who is she? Why is she here? What makes her believe she’s hot? Why does she wear that godawful wig?

Bakhtiyar Irani – The Volcano: This television actor is the only nice-looking and decently dressed male in the house. He cooks, cleans, follows orders without complain and periodically erupts like a volcano startling everyone in the process.

Tanaaz Irani - The Matchstick (‘Kaandi’) : This television actor is terribly annoying, loves to annoy others as well, and is despised by the males in the house because of this habit. She admitted that she does it to pass time in the house. She just might have to pass out of the house soon, all thanks to her habit.

Aditi Govitrikar – The Miss-Placed: The Model and Actor looks terribly out of place here. A tumultuous personal life seems to have leached the fun and glamour from Dr Govitrikar. Hope things get better for her soon.

Shamita Shetty – The Performer: This Actress (?) cries when the atmosphere in the house is tense, is always worried about the food – situation and can’t seem to speak or understand Hindi (“what does ‘Budhwar’ mean”) Still suffering from a Shilpa Shetty hangover, behna?

Claudia Ciesla – The Unknown: Never seen her and never heard of her before. She’s enthusiastic, a big help around the house and it’s a delight to watch how she puts people in their place.

P:S: For those ready with the inevitable question, “I can’t believe you actually watch this show/You actually watch this show?!” The answer is “Believe it. I do”;-D

And the WWW Award goes to...

2009-10-11T13:24:00.017+05:30

Jennifer Lopez: Babeee, you reckon I could win the Worst-dressed-Woman-in-the-World award once more?

Mark Antony: Chica, there’s no one who deserves it more than you…

Mark: Just keep following my advice and you’ll be the only winner every year…

Mark: Infact, if this wasn’t a women’s only thing, I would have won it along with you!

I’m all but forgotten, I see…

…notice my bling…

…and love for sequins…

…take that, J.Lo! I’m winning it this time!

H.E.L.L.O! I’m the surprise contender for the award. Thanks to my serials shutting down, I’ve decided to follow the path of austerity set by the Congress. All my clothes are now recycled.
This top has been fashioned from Parvati’s saree...

...this dress from the curtains on the set of Kyon Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi...

…this from Mihir’s suit…

…and this from the sofa on the set of Kasautii Zindagii Kay…

So, who deserves the WWW Award the most?

You decide! ;-D

You know you're all grown up when you...

2009-10-01T13:59:00.006+05:30

* Can accept compliments gracefully.
* Enjoy silence as much as you enjoy a good conversation.
* Dole out advice only when asked for.
* Don’t remember the last time you had an anxiety-ridden, ‘I have nothing to wear!’ moment.
* Tell yourself you have enough shoes. And believe it.
* Pass up a pre-sale invite, with a very tempting discount, at your favorite boutique.
* Can say ‘No’ without feeling guilty.
* Aren’t even remotely interested in knowing what people think of you.
* Stop asking people their starsign and then form mental blocks accordingly
* Make peace with your body shape and start appreciating it.
* Realize that saving gives you the same high as spending does.
* Stop pining for George Clooney
* Believe dieting is not torture, it just means eating sensibly.
* Recognize that, for most people, good manners are not mandatory.
* Understand that the opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference.
* Are all of the above and are still adored and fun to be with!;-D

Wham!

2009-09-28T22:06:00.007+05:30

Remember George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley, the delectable duo of the popular group, Wham!

While George Michael spares no opportunity to stay in the limelight, his partner, Andrew, just disappeared from the scene after Wham! split, leaving his share of female fans, me included, wondering where he must be and how he must look now.
If the curious thought ever crossed your mind too, wonder no more as you could see for yourself what Andrew Ridgeley looks like now;

The tabloid I get my goss from informs that, 'Andrew leads a reclusive lifestyle in Cornwall (U.K), enjoying the anonymity he has, and spends his time surfing and playing golf.'
Once I got over the initial shock, I thought he looked nice,relaxed,stylish and fit (lookatthoseflatabs!!!), though much, much older than his 46 years.

Just read!

2009-09-23T11:25:00.006+05:30

Intriguing. Interesting. Enlightening.

509 Pages. Hardback.
My Rating : ****

# Harvard Symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned at the last minute to deliver an evening lecture in the Capitol Building. Within moments of his arrival, however, a disturbing object – gruesomely encoded with five symbols – is discovered at the epicenter of the Rotunda. It is, he recognizes, an ancient invitation, meant to beckon it’s recipient towards a long-lost world of hidden esoteric wisdom.

When Langdon’s revered mentor, Peter Solomon – philanthropist and prominent mason- is brutually kidnapped, Langdon realizes that his only hope of saving his friends life is to accept this mysterious summon and follow wherever it leads him.

Langdon finds himself quickly swept behind the façade of America’s most powerful city into the unseen chambers, temples and tunnels which exist there. All that was familiar is transformed into a shadowy, clandestine world of an artfully concealed past in which Masonic secrets and never-before-seen revelations seem to be leading him to a single impossible and inconcievable truth.
#From the book jacket

With a narrative spanning a 12 hour period, The Lost Symbol is set in the power capital of America, Washington D.C. The basic premise is the same as Dan Brown’s other books; there is Robert Langdon, a female supporting partner, a surreal figure and a mystery waiting to be solved.

Robert Langdon is as suave and impressive as he always is, and the supporting characters don’t disappoint either.

With this book Dan Brown takes his writing up a few notches. Meticulous research has lead to minute detailing, which, in typical and admirable Brown’s writing style, is simplified beautifully. The rich detailing does tend to overwhelm you at places and patience is the key, as it takes a while to get a grip on the story. However, once you’ve found yours, your eyes will fly across the pages, which will turn swiftly.

The explanation of the practices, rituals, symbols and beliefs could bewilder but in true Dan Brown trademark style all the pieces fall together brilliantly in the last quarter of the book.

With ‘The Lost Symbol’ Dan Brown attempts to clear the cobwebs of closed minds, shine new light on old beliefs, nudge your faith down a new path and present God in a refreshing new form.

The only drawback: This 509 page, hardback tome can get really cumbersome to lug around, though it would be a great buy as a collectors item. Else, wait for the paperback version or make do with the e-version.

My very own rating chart;

*Use it as a doorstop.
**Read it if you have nothing better to do.
***You will like it if you like this particular genre of writing.
****Must read!
*****What! You haven’t read it YET ?!

Sigh!

2009-09-13T16:20:00.002+05:30

One of the perks of seeing my party come back into power is watching the absolutely delectable Congress Spokesman, Manish Tiwari ,animatedly debate on every TV chanel AND at delightfully regular intervals.

Wonder what his starsign is…

Rakhi ka Swayamvar – The Aftermath

2009-08-12T14:12:00.003+05:30

Dressed in more jewelry than clothes, Rakhi invoked ‘God Jeejus’ with a tuneless song sung on stage, pretended to bashfully shiver (me thinks it was more the lack of clothes, than shyness, that may have caused the shivering) joked there could be a Swayamvar Part 2, and finally got ENGAGED to the businessman from Toronto, Elesh Parujanwala.

At the start of the show itself I had pinned my hopes on Elesh being the chosen one, for the sole reason that he was the only NRI groom who could help the cause of us Indians by taking this forever-seeking-the-limelight Nautankibaaz, Rakhi, out of our country.

Strangely though, this ‘reech’ (in Rakhi’s pronunciation, not mine) and articulate businessman is suddenly a struggler who is finding his feet in Mumbai city and has requested Rakhi for some time to do so. Hence the Engagement, instead of the Swayamvar.

Moreover, apparently Elesh wants to get to know Rakhi better (Why do I have a feeling that he just might regret this decision?) see her without make-up (Gulp! Brave guy! Hope he’s fond of horror) and see how compatible they are (Brave AND a risk-taker!)

On the flipside, if this relationship does work out and lead to marriage (yes, miracles are known to happen, folks!) we could always witness Rakhi ka Talaq to follow.

And if this relationship does not work out, await, Rakhi ka Swayamvar – Season 2.

Till then, watch them together in a forthcoming TV show.

Book Review: The Diary of a Social Butterfly

2009-08-06T22:18:00.012+05:30

In her own words, Butterfly is ‘sophisty, smart and socialist.’ Her friends, Mulloo, Flopsy, Furry and Twinkle are ‘always doing competition’ with her.
According to Butterfly, those who’ve studied at Oxford come back ‘three years later an Oxen.’ She laughs till she becomes ‘historical’ says ‘Thanks God’ to not have been ‘knocked up by a truck’ wishes to meet ‘business typhoons and textile magnets’ and exclaims ‘What cheeks!’ when startled.

Butterfly calls her husband Janoo publicly, and ‘buddhi rooh / zinda laash’ privately and she has an Aunt called Pussy, who has a twice ‘die-vorced’ son called Jonkers.

A compilation of Pakistani newspaper columnist, Moni Mohsin’s, popular column of the same name, this book is a hilarious insight into Pakistan’s high-society through the eyes of the adorable, amusing, silly, ardent misspeller and lovable protagonist called ‘Butterfly’
This is one book you shouldn’t judge by its, rather garish, cover. Though you do have a better chance of enjoying the book if you are fluent in /can at least understand Urdu.

Movie Review: Love Aaj Kal

2009-08-01T23:36:00.004+05:30

Confused Boy (resembling an old vulture) meets Practical Girl (did anyone notice the size of her feet!??)
Boy keeps meeting Girl.
Career-driven Boy and Girl decide to break-up instead of being in a tedious long-distance relationship (Audience wonders if the Girl’s foot-size was the deal breaker)
Boy and Girl decide to have a ‘break-up party’ for friends in a restaurant.
Restaurant owned by obese, eavesdropping, intrusive Chef.
Girl leaves after party, Boy stays back asking for Black Coffee (Audience orders one as well, just to stay awake)
Intrusive Chef swoops in on Boy, and starts doling out unasked for advice on love.
Forces opinions about love on Boy and when that doesn’t work, starts narrating his own love story.
Drives Boy (and audience) nuts!
Drives Boy to airport next day so Boy can say bye to Girl (Audience wishes she could be driven out of the theatre)
Girl gets some hope in her heart, in spite of being the one to initiate the break-up, after seeing Boy at the airport.
Intrusive Chef goes into flashback mode, taking audience with him.
Girl in India and Boy in London continue to keep in touch, and have hope in respective hearts (Audience has lost all hope)
Girl meets New Boy.
Old Vulture Boy gets new girl-friend. (Audience gets a headache)
Girl and Boy meet in India, evade and lie to their respective partners, cavort around Delhi and realize they still have something between them.
New Boy proposes to Girl and she tells Old Vulture goodbye and weds New Boy (Audience admiring shaadi ka joda of Big-foot Girl )
Old Vulture Boy’s new girlfriend breaks up with him.
Girl decided marrying New Boy was a mistake (Audience decides watching this movie was a bigger mistake)
Girl goes hysterical (by now so does Audience)
Old Vulture happy in his dream-job in San Francisco (Audience wishes she could jump off the Golden Gate Bridge)
No sign of Intrusive Chef for a bit, thankfully.
Old Vulture Boy is suddenly unhappy in new job in San Francisco, gets yelled at by Boss, get mugged, remembers intrusive Chef and calls him up (Audience realizes she spoke too soon)
Intrusive Chef doles out more advice and audience taken into flashback mode again.
Boy leaves job and country and comes to India.
Audience too bored to tell you anymore.
Audience loved the clothes, the styling, the music, the old-fashioned love story of the Intrusive Chef, the fresh, well-shot locations and the humor in the film.
Audience felt there was no chemistry between Old Vulture Boy and Big-Foot Girl. Audience thought that the film takes it title, ‘Love Aaj Kal’ too seriously; it starts Aaj and ends Kal…

Book Review: My Friend Sancho

2009-07-29T14:42:00.010+05:30

Dear Jasmine Shah Varma,

I just finished reading, correction smiling, through Amit Varma’s debut book, ‘My Friend Sancho’ In his acknowledgments Amit Varma credits you for the existence of this book, and adds that if the reader doesn’t like it, it’s your fault. So I guess if the reader (me) did like the book, it’s your fault too, eh? Which is why I am writing to you.

Lizards creep me out, and the one crawling on the cover kind of kept me from picking up the book for the longest. However, I ingeniously covered the lizard on the cover with a cover of my own, a picture of a gorgeous hunk if you’re interested, and began acquainting myself with Abir and Muneeza.

Abir’s character endeared him self to me almost instantly and I delightedly chuckled at his exaggerated imaginary dialogue sprinkled through the book. What I liked most about Abir, apart from his wisecracks, was that he comes across as a regular guy who doesn’t try too hard. Muneeza made a good read too, but Abir managed to overshadow her completely. The other character who I enjoyed reading about was, Inspector Thombre. I liked how the author got the typical ‘Mumbai-Inspector dialect’ down pat, and appreciated how he subtly painted the oft-misunderstood policeman in a very different shade, without ridiculing him in the process. The lizard on the cover made fleeting, though funny, guest appearances.

Not having read the authors blog, ‘India Uncut’, before I picked up the book, I had no baggage leading me towards having expectations. However, I was curious to know how the author would handle a, leaning-towards-a-cliché-if-not-handled-right, reporter looking for a sensational story premise. Clean, intelligent writing, liberally laced with humor had me speeding through the 217 pages of the book in a single sitting.

A seemingly quick and light story, its only after you finish reading the book do you realize that serious issues, like the Hindu-Muslim divide and police encounters, have been deftly dealt with by the author, astutely leaving it to the audience to take a stand on them as they wish to without moralizing on the issue himself.

This book seems like a trailer to something bigger coming next. Jasmine Shah Varma, could you will the next book into existence quickly, please?

Tagging along, yet again...

2009-07-27T20:23:00.022+05:30

A Tag is a savior which resurrects a blog its owner doesn’t update as regularly as she should! Thanks to a visit to Shalini’s blog, I have a new post on mine:)

1. What is your current obsession?
Doing my bit towards saving the world from Global Warming, one little thing at a time.

2. What is your weirdest obsession?
The above, when I take it too far.

3. What are you wearing today?
Paisely-print beige-blue-orange Kurti and Navy Capris.

4. What’s for dinner?
Masala Roti’s and Carrot Raita.

5. What’s the last thing you bought?
Pastries. Not for me, sadly:(

6. What are you listening to right now?
Rain tapping on my window.

7. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
I know Shalini via her photographs and through them she comes across as a family-loving, graceful person with an eye for detail.

8. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Notting Hill.London.*Throw in a cleaning service as well? Please?*

9. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Pretty Mulmul/Georgette Kurtis/Tunics.Capris.Kitten-heels.Chic Sunglasses.

10. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Are you beaming me there? Like, right now? :-D

11. Which language do you want to learn?
None.

12. What’s your favorite quote?
'God, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.'

13. Who do you want to meet right now?
No one comes to mind.

14. What is your favorite color?
I love bright, jewel colors and find myself rather inclined towards emerald green these days.

15. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own closet?
No favorites.

16. What is your dream job?
Best-selling Novelist.

17. What’s your favorite magazine?
Cosmopolitan.

18. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
A Spa Treatment.

19. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
VPL. Innerwear peeking out. Bad shoes.

20. Who are your style icons?
None. Although, I do admire Rekha’s style, Shabana Azmi’s dressing, J Lo’s elegance and Madonna’s constant reinvention. I also love Sonia Gandhi and Jaya Jaitely’s cotton sarees.

21. Describe your personal style.
Eclectic. Elegant. Evolving.

22. What are you going to do after this?
Start reading Amit Varma’s debut book, ‘My Friend Sancho’

23. What are your favorite movies?
Happy movies. Thrillers.

24. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can't live without?
Just my face wash. I wear lippy and liner only when I HAVE to.

25. What inspires you?
The feeling that I have so much more to learn, see, do, feel.

26. Give us three styling tips that always work for you.
A great pair of shoes and , preferably matching, handbag changes the look of any outfit.
Buy the best quality accessories your budget allows you to.
Don’t follow fashion trends, create them.

27. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
Believe it or faint, but this has never happened. And my closet isn’t packed either.

28. Coffee or tea?
Tea mostly. Coffee rarely.

29. Pet peeve?
Unpunctuality.

The rules: Respond and rework – answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, and add one more question of your own. Then tag eight or ten other people.

I would like it if Anuja, Maya and Shelly took this up :)

Rakhi ka Swayamwar

2009-07-18T20:04:00.004+05:30

On first spotting the promo I checked the calendar to see if it was April, all fools day and all that. It wasn’t. Halloween too was still a while away.

So ‘Rakhi ka Swayamwar’ was for real, I accepted reluctantly. After baring every legally acceptable body part and then some more, Rakhi Sawant was now going to bare her soul, as she looked for a life partner.

Just like when you think Kareena Kapoor, Size Zero comes to mind, think Cricket and Sachin Tendulkar comes to mind, think Maid and Shiney Ahuja comes to mind so think drama queen and Rakhi comes to mind. Great! Full on masala! I rubbed my hands in glee!

Tears, temper tantrums and tasteless makeup and outfits were what I expected the brazen Rakhi Sawant to entertain me with. However I was in for a surprise! The tears were there all right, but the all new botox-ed and silicone-ed Rakhi was elegantly caked in expert make up, encased in gorgeous outfits and accessories and put up in a beautiful palace.

The new Rakhi demanded respected, from the audience and the sorry looking contestants who were brave and masochistic enough to appear on international television to woo her for marriage. *gulp!* In cleavage, back and navel baring form-fitted outfits the demure Rakhi spoke from under lowered eyelashes, tried smiling bashfully, shed tears copiously and when they overstepped the line, the 16 brave souls were unhesitatingly cut to size by her sharp tongue.

From running down her own family to preaching family love and bonding to the contestants. From crying for ‘true love’ to eliminating the contestants who looked like they would offer it to her along with some complimentary worship thrown in. With every episode Rakhis opinions and definitions about herself changed drastically. With every episode the audience were hooked to her schizo-personality which contradicted herself with alarming regularity. A bloated and visibly bored Ram Kapoor helped her along the way with a sprinkling of tele-stars making appearances as Rakhi’s ‘family’ and awing the contestants as a bonus.

After an entertaining 3 weeks, Rakhi has finally zeroed in on 4 contestants. A 22 year old who still hasn’t shed his baby fat. A wily Ganga-kinare ka ‘chora’, a meek businessman from Delhi and a heavily-accented Canadian businessman.

Lets see who is sacrificed at the altar;-D

Guess who's back? ;-D

2009-07-06T14:26:00.004+05:30

Your friendly neighborhood Paanwala/Pehelwan! That's who! ;)

G.R.I.N

2009-05-27T20:14:00.006+05:30

I am NOT a fan of most of these feel-good forwards, but does that stop my friends from mailing them to me? NOT! *insert eye-roll here*
So I get this one in the mail a couple of days ago and, as usual, I am answering back every sentence *Just ONE of my many million quirks* before I decide to delete it.

This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1.There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
(Stop assuming on my behalf! I love living too much!)

2.At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
(Uh-oh! ONLY 15 ? I thought the number would be much higher!)

3.The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
(Now, THAT, I agree with)

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
(Hmmmmm, this could be true. Actually it IS true, or so I am told often)

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
(I know *sigh!*. Is that why they have turned insomniacs, then?)

6. You mean the world to someone.
(Correction: to MANY people)

7. You are special and unique.
(Y.A.W.N)

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
(Time to make an appearance, boyo!)

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
(Oh Yes! This is my most favorite deluding-myself-with-each-time-I-mess-up-big-time thought )

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
(Where? Over the shoulder?)

Pehchan Kaun!?!?

2009-04-21T18:36:00.014+05:30

Is this
1)Your neighbourhood paanwala, with an unusual affinity for jewelry and silks.
2)A pehelwan at the akhada, with an unusual affinity for jewelry and silks.
3)Britney Spears, having a ‘the-mirror-lied-to-me-*again*'day.

Is this
1)A freak of nature.
2)A person with a rare illness, which causes strange growths to appear on the body.
3)Beyonce, having a bad hip day.

Is this
1)Pandu Havaldar.
2)Your building security guard demanding a pay hike, to feed himself better.
3)Posh Spice, having a ‘I-want-to-look-ridiculous-and-I-will’ day.

Is this
1)Another freak of nature.
2)A lush after a skirmish.
3)Madonna, having a ‘I-missed-my-Kabbalah-meet’ day.

Is this
1)Christopher Walken.
2)The retired neighborhood uncle who is fighting for a cause, always.
3)Kate Moss, having a ‘I-missed-my-daily-Botox-appointment’ day.

Is this
1)A sack of potatoes.
2)A sack of potatoes with a human torso peeping from behind it.
3)Oprah Winfrey, having a ‘Why-do-I-look-like-I-am-emerging-from-a-sack-of-potatoes' day.

Tagging along, randomly...

2009-02-15T16:34:00.010+05:30

There’s this Tag doing the rounds of Facebook which of course I HAD to do, because I was Tagged quite a few times and also because I LOVE Tags and being Tagged :)))
Rules of the Tag;

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

Since I have badgered enough people on Facebook by Tagging them, I would like to Tag Anuja, Iris, Maya and Tazeen and whoever else would like to do this, or thinks they need a new blog post;)

1) I am not a fussy eater. I can be force fed food I hate, brinjal, bhindi and the like, with emotional words, gory reminders of world hunger and a chocolate bribe for later.

2) There are times I lead life, then there are times I let life lead me.

3) I love people-watching and file away memories constantly. Writers brain at work 24*7*365.

4) I have become very wise with and about money and am so proud of it that I feel like buying myself a big treat! Till I remember I have become very wise with and about money!

5) I always pick the bright blue M&M’s first. Yes I D.O. K.N.O.W they all taste the same, but I S.T.I.L.L pick the blue ones first. Then the green ones, which are followed by the browns.

6) I need to wash my feet before I go to bed, else I can’t sleep.

7) I love buying colorful ankle socks, all types of cookies and kitchen accessories.

8) I’m the last person in the world you should ask for directions. If you’d follow mine, you’d most probably reach Afghanistan, and come back just to shoot me dead.

9) No matter how long they are, I cannot sleep on flights. After a long flight I stagger out of the aircraft looking like a zombie/sleep-deprived madwoman.

10) I roll my eyes, a lot. I occasionally wonder if they’d probably fall off their sockets someday (Yes, I am a Stephen King fan)

11) I have developed selective amnesia, hearing and sight.

12) The penny drops in R.E.A.L.L.Y late sometimes.

13) I like making my own bed. Army style, bounce-a-bloody-coin-on-it perfect!

14) I get bored of myself sometimes. Then I reinvent.

15) I absolutely abhor it when people I barely know abbreviate my name. Or people I know mispronounce it. Which is why I now refer myself as a single syllable, ‘M’

16) I am a late bloomer and compensate for it by being a swift learner.

17) I cannot comprehend the toilet-seat-position man-woman debate. Really.

18) I think life is really simple; it’s we who complicate it.

19) I’d rather walk barefoot on shards of glass, than speak in front of a crowd.

20) If you are cruel to children I will most probably hate you.

21) I believe that if you want God to laugh you should tell him your plans.

22) I also believe that the wheels of justice grind slow, but they grind exceedingly fine.

23) Reading ‘The Alchemist’ inspired me to initiate major changes in my life.

24) I get all irascible and mopey if I’m idle for too long.

25) 25 points is too little, I could write a book on Me.

Movie Review: Slumdog Millionaire

2009-02-04T17:10:00.003+05:30

Slumdog Millionaire – A very ‘poor’ film

As I read Vikas Swarup’s Q & A, his simple, conversational style writing and perfectly etched characters brought the novel alive before my eyes. When I finished reading the wonderful book I eagerly awaited the release of ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ promising myself that I wouldn’t compare the movie to the book, or the picture my imagination had come up with.

I then heard the story had been ‘adapted’ from the book with the basic premise being the same but changes in the storyline and characters. I admit to being a tad disappointed, but the cacophony of praise accompanying every tiny bit of news about the movie forced me to stay positive and eagerly await the release. After winning a multitude of awards and recognitions ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ finally did release here and when I saw it I wished I hadn’t.

For even if I do have qualms about the movie showing the ‘slums and the underbelly’ of India or about the way ‘they have depicted India in general’ the excuse of ‘cinematic liberty’ helps the makers get away with it. And, logically, when the film IS titled ‘Slum Dog Millionaire’ we can hardly have bejeweled maharajas swishing around in silk robes, answering questions in a rigged game show can we? Though slums, caste-fuelled riots filth, treachery, poverty do form a part of India, like they would of any country anywhere in the world, is it all that India is about, and is it all worth showing about India I wondered. And the American Lady telling the young Jamal ‘I will show you what the real America is’ was a real low-blow.

My only qualm is what are people praising to the skies? What did I miss?

What angle of ‘the love story’ and ‘Jamal’s love for Latika’ left people ‘misty-eyed’?

Where was the chemistry between Jamal and Latika? Where was the bonding? Where was the yearning? IMHO after Jackie Shroff and his dog in ‘Teri Meharbaniyaan’ Dev Patel and Frieda Pinto are the most mismatched couple on screen, ever!

Dev Patel is an awkward 16 year old in real life and it showed on screen as well. Besides the fact that his diction and body language were far too polished to be a chai-wala, he didn’t look like one either. As I watched him fumbling on screen, I wondered if growing up in England, he even knew what a chai-wala was?

Frieda Pinto just gets lucky by being in the right place, in this case movie, and at the right time. Her lack of talent is evenly balanced by her lack of looks. Older than Dev Patel in real life, she looked so on screen as well.

This probably had to be the 1st first film where I watched Irfan Khan hamming.

Mahesh Manjerkar looked so filthy I wished he would go and have a hot bath!

Madhur Mittal, playing the oldest Salim, was completely wasted in a miniscule part.
The only bright spots for me were;

Anil Kapoor, brown/red beard et all, in an ill-defined role, which he carried off with much aplomb, when he wasn’t hamming and looking like he’s going to seriously lose it any moment now!

Saurabh Shukla, who is an actor par excellence!

The kids playing Jamal and Salim, who were simply adorable bundles of talent.

Assault on the senses!

2009-01-11T19:48:00.004+05:30

I am the worst dressed woman in the whole world. Understand?? Yes, J. Lo Ma’am!

Dear Janet. To borrow your brothers famous words, ‘Just beat it!’ before we go blind.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
Scratch that!
Is it a bird? Is it an ageing Boy George?
No, it’s a before-her-botox-shots, Madonna!!

'Allo children! In between perfecting anorexia and zipping around the world trying to adopt as many of you as I can, Mama-Jolie has been learning the art of applying eyeliner, from Amy Winehouse!

And I am the infamous Amy Winehouse! Now go roll me a joint, brat!

After being dressed like this, do you blame me for wanting to tear my hair apart? No we don’t Beyonce. We most certainly don’t!

Donatella, to think you own one of the best designs labels! Cover up woman, before you hear of Gianni Versace spinning in his grave!

Is this a ladies-only gig? Who cares, even if it is!! I have to barge in to flaunt my award, for the most frightening dressing style! I’ve usurped you J.LO!So there!!!

My New Year Resolution

2009-01-01T18:17:00.004+05:30

Wishing you a year brimming with joy, wellbeing, blessings, wisdom, triumphs and everything you wish for.
Have a marvelous 2009!

AH! WELL!

2008-12-26T20:11:00.006+05:30

OK, so Simon Cowell is terribly caustic on screen. But who’s listening?
I’m just ogling!

Before you ask: No, this blog hasn’t morphed into a fantasy, or sumsuch, blog. It's just that I’ve realized that feasting on eyecandy is a calorie-free treat!;)

Oh-Bama!

2008-12-23T19:42:00.004+05:30

He surely gets MY vote!!;))

The Aliens had landed: Part 2

2008-12-15T20:28:00.011+05:30

After suitably terrifying you with Part 1 of the same, Ladies and Gentlemen, I now present to you images of what scared the Aliens off on their 2nd journey to Earth!

You will be forgiven if you thought this was some creature dressed in drag. I have forgiven myself for thinking the same about Bipasha Basu.

Yes, it could have been a look for a shoot/film/fashion show. Still!! Ranbir Kapoor, I much prefer you looking like a pretty, size zero, girl!

Talking of size zero…What is this? Who is this? Why is this? Bebo, just GoGo and EAT, for heaven sake!

Amisha Patel’s acting prowess left a lot to be desired. Sadly, so does her dressing sense. Love the cute petal-ly bag that she cleverly uses to hide her paunch, though!

You know Madge, you now seem just perfect for teaching aspiring doctors the nerve and muscle formation of the human body. Ever been asked to volunteer?

R.I.P, my feelings-that-must-not-be-named-in-public for George Clooney. His new, rather avuncular, look only manages to evoke *gulp* respect.

Trinaa's Tag! :)

2008-11-17T18:55:00.022+05:30

When the brain is all fried up, blogposts dry up too.
At such a time came Trinaa’s Tag to the rescue!
(pauses to barf at the terrible pome!)

I am : not spoiled. I deserve all my stuff. (line filched from the Happy Bunny)

I think : way too much! Too soon!

I know : And every hour of every day Im learning more
The more I learn, the less I know about before
The less I know, the more I want to look around
Digging deep for clues on higher ground...
Higher Gound - UB40

I want : shan’t disclose and corrupt your senses.

I have : a go-weak-in-the-knee thing for deep voices.

I wish : for world peace. Now gimme that damn crown!

I hate : lizards! Ewwwwwwww!!

I miss : my brain, when it goes awol.

I fear : dogs

I hear : warning bells, alrite, and still ignore them!

I smell : great. All the time.

I crave : sweet stuff, with alarming regularity!

I search : hardly ever. I am frightfully organized!

I wonder : what my name/profession/etc would be, if I were a man.

I regret : being less assertive in the past. More than making up for it now, though! *wink, wink!*

I love : traveling, chewing gum and really strong mints.

I ache : Ah! Lots!

I was not : born mad.

I am not : going to say no to ice-cream, EVER!

I cry : silently. Hiccups, swollen shut Jap-eyes and reindeer nose are the visible evidences a good cry leaves behind.

I believe : The wheels of Justice grind slow, but they grind exceeding fine.

I dance : in a spazzy manner…

I sing : quite well, I think. Others don’t.

I read : like-my-life-depended-on-it!

I don't always : enjoy being sensible and proper.

I fight : fair. Most of the times, at least!

I write : professionally.

I win : all bets.

I lose : weight with immense difficulty. Though the speed at which it piles on is bloody amazing!

I never : say never. Or forever.

I always : thank God.

I confuse : my right with left, while giving directions.

I listen : patiently. Even when I am not being paid to do so ;)

I can usually be found : growing roots in front of the computer.

I am scared : of the intensity of my own emotions, sometimes.

I need : a few good books within easy reach all the time.

I am happy : but not gay!

I imagine : a lot!! I have an extremely vivid, and visual, imagination!!

I Tag: Iris and Anuja

Looking through my eyes, you'll see...

2008-11-03T19:50:00.011+05:30

There was a time when I thought there was nothing more annoying than someone with a camera slung around their neck photographing everything that crossed their vision. Till Sarah Palin came along to let me know what annoying really is, and digress from the topic in my usual way.

So, back to the topic of photographers and all things related. On my best days AND with the best camera and resources I admit to being a crap photographer *Enlightenment Alert! It may come as a surprise to you but there are faint traces of humility still holding on to my supercilious soul*

Yes, I can do the people-standing-in-front-of-monuments type of touristy shots brilliantly! Just between you and me, I have even managed to make scary people look, well, less scary by photographing them with shadows almost covering them AND have been applauded for the results *now you know why it’s so damn difficult to retain the humility bit* But when it comes to anything else I am a complete klutz; a sunset shot ends up looking like paint spilled over a canvas, for instance.

So, on a recent holiday, when I managed to click a few pics that stunned me into 5 whole minute of silence *a personal best/record* I had to share them with you.
Before my swollen head bursts open, I’ll admit to realizing that there are times when Mother Nature, in all her spectacular glory, agrees to pose patiently so that self-admitted klutzes can shoot her and have their 5 minutes of stunned silence!;)

Movie Review: Karzzzz

2008-10-20T18:59:00.008+05:30

List of characters

Monty, Himesh Reshammiya. Size zero, with a poodle on his head and a face that still looks like his neck threw up. On the positive side, he has graduated from having a single expression on his face. In this, his second film, he looks like he is in varying degrees of abject pain.

Princess Kamini, Urmila Matondkar. Who redefines what bad acting is all about, with strange facial expressions,an impossible-to-decipher-where-it-comes-from accent and jerky marionette movements. Apart from terrible skin, bad make up and bits of flab seeking escape from the reaches of control hose.

Tina, new find Shweta Kumar. Good, for her debut film. But she looks like Indra Kumar (her father) dressed in drag, the resemblance is so striking!

Kabeera, Danny Denzongpa. Completely wasted in an inane role.

Sir Juda, Gulshan Grover. In a, guffaw and you miss him-and-his-strange-steel-arm, appearance.

Ravi Verma, Dino Morea. Droolicious! Wish he had been given a longer role!

Audience, Me. Lock away her money, transport, glasses and computer so she cannot watch these films AND then have the nerve to write their reviews!

A remake of Subhash Ghai’s ‘Karz’, this film follows the same story, with a twist (which I won’t give away, the kind soul that I am)

So we have ‘Rockstar Monty’ who in spite of the way he looks, sounds and dresses is, but naturally, the heartthrob of the entire female population of Cape Town and has girls of all races, colors and sizes swooning over him, and his Hindi songs. His father cum business manager, Raj Babbar playing an OTT Sardar, exploits Monty's talent to make money but humiliates Monty for free.
While on stage one day, Monty suffers from a hallucination and passes out (yay!) only to (sadly) recover and realize that a particular tune triggers it off. A psychiatrist advises Monty to take a vacation and off he goes to Kenya, to recover and woo a girl his beady eyes spot at a party.
In the midst of wooing Tina in Kenya, places, people and buildings seem familiar to Monty and his hallucinations increase, confusing him further. Till he meets Princess Kamini, of the love handles and preference for metallic hued clothing fame and the fog in his brain finally clears and he realizes who he is.
Then begins a game to trap Princess Kamini into revealing the whereabouts of Ravi Verma’s surviving mother and sister and how she, Kamini, murdered Ravi Verma.

How he gets her to admit it, is where the ‘twist’ in this movie lies.

If you’ve seen the original ‘Karz’ you are sure to find a thousand flaws in this movie. If you haven’t seen it, you will still find a thousand flaws in it.
The biggest flaw being, the casting of Himesh Reshammiya playing a 25 year old ‘Rockstar’ as he neither looks the part , nor acts it. Newcomer Shweta, who is cast opposite him could pass off as his daughter, the pair is that mismatched, there fore no surprises about the zero chemistry between them!
Urmila performs like she is doing the world a favor by acting in this movie. This could go down as her worst performance ever.

Senior artistes like Danny Denzongpa, Asrani, Rohini Hattangady and Gulshan Grover
are completely wasted, with caricature like roles and equally funny performances.

The direction (Satish Kaushik) is average and the songs have no impact. The two good things about the film are, the fresh locales of South Africa that could have been exploited better by an able cinematographer, and the overall slick packaging of this film.

I wish Himesh would stop acting and concentrate only on his music. But I read that he is going to horrify people even further by appearing shirtless, with a six-pack, in his next movie. Bachaooooo!!

Movie Review: Drona

2008-10-06T15:53:00.004+05:30

Spoiler Alert!

Aditya (Abhishek Bachchan) lives in Prague with a rowdy, horrendously dressed aunt (Navneet Nishan in a fleeting appearance) who gains great pleasure in treating him badly and referring to him as a ‘free servant’ The only thing Aditya can talk to is a bi-lingual blue rose petal that wafts in at will. It’s supposed to be a fantasy film so…

What poor overweight and unkempt Aditya really needs is a hot bath, a shave and haircut, but along comes Sonia (Priyanka Chopra) dressed way too outlandishly for a body guard. Though, with Rapunzel tresses, flowing, whimsical outfits of chiffon and brocade, a wonder bra-enhanced cleavage, way too much eye-make up and a strange bandana it’s she who is more likely to need a bodyguard. It’s supposed to be a fantasy film so…

So, Sonia comes zipping in a yellow beemer, whips out 2 tiny daggers and slays the 6 beefy men who have attacked Aditya with a poisoned dart via a pea shooter, no less.
Aditya comes to in a darkened room that has multiple ugh-shots, sorry, mug-shots of him plastered all over, while the bodyguard has morphed into an item girl and is mutinously writhing and dancing in skimpy clothing to the only song of the film ‘Oopja’ in a garage above the darkened room. It’s supposed to be a fantasy film so…

Item number over, a staircase lowers Sonia, who is thankfully back in the bodyguard groove and costume, into the darkened room to explain to Aditya that he is no ordinary mortal but Drona. When he doesn’t get it (I wonder if excess fat can clog the brain, along with the arteries too?) there is another lengthy explanation about Amrit (the elixir of life) being guarded from the Asur’s (demons/evil men) who have been chasing it for centuries, so that they could drink it and gain immortality to rein havoc on the world. And Drona and his descendents are the one who guard it. It’s supposed to be a fantasy film so…

The Asur in question here is Riz Raizada (K K ) a man with eye-sore inducing dressing sense who is a magician and thirsting for the Amrit.
Aditya snaps on a kitschy bracelet, realizes his power and demonstrates it by uprooting a huge iron gate and almost transforms into Drona, minus the gold sequined outfit. To get which he has to travel to Rajasthan after Sonia informs him he is actually a prince and has a real mother who is waiting for him.
An emotionless Aditya is reunited with his equally blank mother (Jaya Bachchan) and they barely exchange a couple of dialogue sheets before Riz Raizada transforms the mother to stone. It’s supposed to be a fantasy film so…

To revive his mother Drona has to hand over the Amrit to Riz, which he decides to, after donning the badly tailored ivory and gold sequined outfit, engraved sword, kohl lined eyes and a botched up hair straightening job. And we watch a hammy Riz and a disinterested looking Drona fighting though tacky special-effects, clumsy airborne fight sequences and blackhead and pore enhancing close ups till good wins over bad and Drona slays Riz. *Y.A.W.N*

Abhishek was the wrong choice for a super hero. He looks sloppy, overweight and disinterested as he sleepwalks through a role that could have been a turning point in his career. Add to that is the P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C direction by Goldie Behl, where no shot has any impact.
The casting of KK as Riz Raizada has managed to erase all his previous brilliant performances so far, for me. He comes across as more of a comedian, and a really bad one at that, than a villain. Priyanka is okay and was obviously cast as eye-candy.
The story is novel, for a Hindi film, and had tremendous potential which could have been transformed into a super film under the guidance of a capable director and the casting of a more talented male lead

Drona is supposed to be a fantasy-film, but was nothing short of a nightmare!

These days...

2008-09-29T12:33:00.006+05:30

These days
I get back in touch
with long lost friends
over text messages asking,
‘Heard about the bomb-blasts.
Please confirm you and all at home are safe.’

These days
I pray for hope
and a life that is safe, long and
not tinged with cynicism and distrust

These days
I am thankful for
missed opportunities
and second chances

These days
I value life much more
as I see it lose its precious grip
on so many around me

These days
I contemplate moving to countries
where immigrants are unwelcome
the tax cut is 35%
where I’ll be required to mummifying myself.
Till I realize no where is safe anymore.

Book Review : Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen and David Oliver Relin

2008-09-09T17:00:00.012+05:30

Here we drink three cups of tea to do business: the first you are a stranger, the second you become a friend, and the third you join our family, and for our family we are prepared to do anything – even die.’ Haji Ali, Korphe Village Chief, Karakoram Mountains, Pakistan.

In the year 1993, Greg Mortensen an avid mountaineer, attempted to climb the mountain K2, with disastrous results. Disappointed and dehydrated he followed his porter to the nearest village of Karakoram in Baltistan, Pakistan to rest and recuperate.

Endless cups of rancid smelling Paiyu Cha, the butter tea that forms the basis of the Balti diet and a healthy dose of the inhabitants of Baltistan’s kindness later, Mortensen recovered enough of his strength and spirit to return to the USA. But not before he promised to return and build a school for the education-deprived children of Karakoram.
Return he did, to build not just one but 55 schools spread all over the dangerous and forbidden terrain of Pakistan, in villages so remote that some didn’t even have a dirt road connecting them to the next, making the delivery of supplies for building the school an arduous task.
But Mortensen’s selfless mission to ‘Promote peace, once school at a time’ was so intense that he found roads where there were none, literally and metaphorically, and braved everything from dishonesty and the lack of money to a kidnapping and a fatwa, to keep his promise to the children of Pakistan.

Reading ‘Three Cups of Tea’ was a strangely humbling experience. Greg Mortensen’s story managed to raise my awareness, about how important a small thing like a pencil could be for some people, and via it, my thankfulness towards my own life, which has a million things I stop appreciating and take for granted.

David Oliver Relin, who has co – authored this book along with Mortensen, is a graduate of Vassar and was awarded the prestigious Teaching/Writing Fellowship at the Iowa Writer’s Workshop. Over the years he has won dozens of national awards for his work as both an editor and investigative reporter.
Which is why the, at times insipid, narration of the book surprised me. I wish ‘Three Cups of Tea’ would have been written and edited better because I did feel like it dragged needlessly in certain places. A more gifted and prolific writer could have helped bring forth the passion of Mortensen’s inexhaustible spirit and compassion even better. Nonetheless, Mortensen’s inspiring chain of achievements and the geographical and cultural insights into parts of Pakistan and Afghanistan I had never heard about, were enough to spur me on to continue reading page after page.

Greg’s work is commendable. Like mountaineer Charlie Shimanski predicted in the book, I wouldn’t be surprised either to see Mortensen get a noble prize sometime soon.

To learn more about Greg Mortensen and Central Asia Institute, the foundation he is the Director of, visit;

www.threecupsoftea.com

The Aliens had landed…

2008-08-18T17:56:00.023+05:30

...but ran back to where they came from, after they saw the tough completion they would face on earth, in the form of our homegrown specimen!

Bad hair – Check
Bad accessories – Check
Bad make-up - Check
Wardrobe Malfunction at its peak – Check
Been mercilessly beaten with an ugly stick – Check

Infact, I love Vivek Oberoi’s look so much, here’s another view of the same, to scare you some more!

Hi, Gauri Shahrukh Khan! I’m wondering why you have chewing-gum stuck on your lips?
P:S: I think the lady grimacing behind you is wondering the same.

I first wondered who he was. I then wondered why Sonu Nigam was wearing a skirt?

Shekhar Suman! My favorite Bogeyman oops...funnyman!

Frankly speaking, Himesh, the cap and beard look suited you better. At least it hid your face from view.

Difficult to believe that Milind Soman was a heartthrob once. Now, he’s more liable to give people a heart attack with this godawful look!

Fringe is in! Fringe is in! Fringe is in! I wondered and wondered who this pretty girl-with-excessive-testosterone-causing-too-much-facial-hair-growth-was. Till I realized it was Ranbir Kapoor.

For once, words fail me.

Satiating the senses

2008-08-13T11:43:00.019+05:30

Well, the above is also the title of the newest addition to my blog, which if you havent read as yet, SHAME ON YOU!;) Psstttt, you could save face by reading it here, and pretend you knew about it all along;)

More than a month away from my blog and the withdrawl symptoms have been too strong to quell. Work. Work. And STILL more work ensured that I have no idea where and when the month flew by! But I did manage to filch snatches of me-time off to have soul-satisfying experieces, via books and a gorgeous movie. Here's more about them;

Sea Of Poppies

When I started reading the initial pages, of the first in Amitav Ghosh’s trilogy of novels ‘Sea of Poppies’, I wondered if it might have been written while on an opium high. As the multitude of characters speaking complicated dialects confused me enough to frequently return to read pages already read and then pause to absorb and make sense of all that I had read, and re-read, so far.

Acute exasperation almost caused me to give up reading this 512 page, hardback tome, but Amitav Ghosh’s polished writing slowly and surely enticed me into familiarizing myself with the characters who would board the ship Ibis headed to Mauritius, all for very different reasons of their own.

Painstaking research, which Ghosh has expertly used, helps form an impressive, informative and rich in detail base for the first of the trilogy. His fine writing has done justice to each of the characters, of which there is a diverse abundance of. And before you realize it you have picked out your favorites and are eager to know more about them and how they would face circumstances that come their way. With ‘Sea of Poppies’, Amitav Ghosh also reveals a new facet of his writing, with chuckle-worthy humor subtly woven in the most unexpected of situations. The book is also liberally sprinkled with enlightening cuss-words, some of which are ridiculously amusing.

With ‘Sea of Poppies’ Amitav Ghosh takes you on a journey that you will be glad to be part of, once you are patient enough to embark on it.

Caramel

The title, caramel being one of my favorite flavors, and the chic poster were reason enough to catch this Lebanese subtitled film. And I am so glad I did!
Caramel is about 5 women, all facing their own unique set of troubles. It is a chick flick alright, but one minus man-obsessed women salivating over shoes and quaffing champagne in the middle of the day! The movie is sweet. Funny. Enlightening. And a tad poignant. The lead actress who plays Layale,who is also the writer and director, is simply stunning. And I have immediately pencilled her in my A-woman-I-would-love-to-look-like-for-2-days-a-week list.
Eat, Pray, Love

I picked up this book for the lack of any other interesting reading material available at my library. And the moment I started reading it, I couldn’t put it down! Well written, intelligent and chatty Eat, Pray, Love is a lovely book strewn with nuggets of wisdom and insight that answered so many questions regarding life and all that comes with it, that I had in mind. Add to this is the bonus of bits of touristy advice and insight to the countries, Italy, Indonesia and India, the book is based in. A soul satisfying read!

Movie Review: Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na

2008-07-05T19:34:00.003+05:30

My Rating ****
For a while now, we’ve been scoffing at ‘Pappu’ because he can’t dance, saala. We’ve also sung along, soothing her by explaining ‘Kabhi kabhi zindagi mein Aditi…’ And we finally get to see Aditi and her gang on screen.

Aditi a.k.a Meaow and Jai a.k.a Rats (Imran Khan) are best buddies. It’s plain for everyone around them to see that they are much more than just that and are made for each other. Everyone, except they themselves. And when it is pointed out by friends and their respective parents, they laugh it off because Aditi dreams of marrying a ‘stud’, someone who is tough and aggressive, completely unlike how Jai is. And Jai dreams of marrying a soft romantic girl, completely unlike what Aditi is.

So after making up their minds that they don’t wish to marry each other they promise to find the desired mates for the other. As they are pointing out various prospectives to each other at a disco Jai spots a girl and it is love at first sight for him. Watching him falling in love with Meghna (Manjari Fadnis) releases dormant feelings that Aditi was so far unaware of. And she goes ahead and gets engaged. Its only when they see each other with their partners do they realize that they actually feel far more than friendship for the other.

Imran Khan is a find! He rocks, and how! He rightfully fills the young, chocolate-boy slot that has been laying vacant for a while now. A natural in front of the camera, the fleeting scenes where his inexperience shows fit beautifully into the script and his character. He is confident; immensely talented and it was such a relief to see a fresh faced, normal and causally clothed hero who is such a change from the ripped bodies, chiseled faces, perfectly teased and moussed locks and designer - clothed debutant heroes we’ve had so far.

Genelia is pretty, sparkling, very spontaneous and livens up each shot. Just wished she had polished her Hindi and diction, though.

It was a pleasant surprise to see Jayant Kriplani and Anuradha Patel, on screen after so long, playing Aditi’s parents.
Ratna Pathak Shah playing Jai’s widowed Mum is a sheer delight and Naseeruddin Shah playing Jai’s dead father (tacked to the wall, in photo frame no less!) makes you guffaw with his clever lines.
The fresh faced youngsters who play Jai and Aditi’s friends are an immensely cute bunch, with a special mention to ‘Jiggy’.

Very interesting cameos by Pratiek Babbar ( Smita Patil and Raj Babbar’s son) who though slightly awkward, has a laced with wit part, making you smile each time he comes on screen.
And Sohail Khan and Arbaaz Khan’s amusing sudden appearances make you guffaw and wish they stayed on for a wee bit longer.

For a debut directorial effort, Abbas Tyrewala has done a good job. And he has the potential to improve with each future project.

The plot is nothing new and liberally dotted with clichés. What makes this film work is the brilliant casting, well-etched characters, controlled and effortless performances, believable and identifiable circumstances and the screenplay that keeps coming up with something surprising each time you think you interest might wane. With immensely hum able music (A R Rehman) and catchy lyrics (Abbas Tyrewala) adding to its charm.

****************************************************************

My very own Rating Chart

* I want my money back + a fully booked and paid 3 month trip to _________(please fill in a destination of choice)

** I don’t want my money back even though I didn’t like the movie, but director/producer may please pay for my popcorn/samosa/parking.

*** Time and money both well spent!

**** Loved it!

***** Whistle, clap, even smile at irritating neighbor-who-kept-talking-on-cell phone, queue up to buy tickets again and extol virtues of the movie.

Forcefully Tagging self! ;)

2008-06-30T17:41:00.012+05:30

I love blogging and hate it when I don’t do so regularly. And when I have nothing to blog about (which is happening with scary regularity these days) Tags, God bless their creator, always come to my rescue.
I discovered this Tag on one of my many blog-hopping visits ages ago, but have no idea which blog I filched it from! I found it as I was clearing my files, danced a little jig, and here it is for you to read.
And yes, thank you to the person whose-blog-I-copy-pasted-it-from-ages-ago.

Describe your perfect Sunday morning?
I am at work most Sunday mornings but if and when I’m home, I read my way through 4 newspapers as I sip on a huge mug of tea and munch on toast.

Favorite song of all time?
Affirmation by Savage Garden and the Title song of Kal Ho Na Ho.

How tall are you?
Tall enough, in my socks. And as tall as I would have liked to be, in my heels.

If you could be successful at any job in the world, what would that job be?
I already am, in both my jobs.

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Istanbul.

If you could be someone else for a day,who would it be?
Goeorge Bush. That will be the only day he would speak some sense, and look good as well.

If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?
Pasta, garlic bread, a salad, home made ice cream and a wicked devils food cake.

If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?
Jaguar.

If you could time travel to the past to correct any mistakes you feel you’ve made, would you?
Oh boy! I’ll have to stay there forever, then! So I’ll skip the trip!

Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?
Depends on what it holds. Then there are times the bloody cup has broken to bits as well ;)

Are you an outdoor or an indoor person?
When it’s great weather,outdoors. Else indoors.Obvi choice, no?

Where do you see yourself in five years?
Hopefully, still in India.

How do you feel?
I feeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllll ggggooooooooooooooooddddddd.

What size shoe do you wear?
Varies from brand to brand.

Water or 100% Juice?
Water.

T-Mobile, U.S. Cellular, Cingular/AT&T, or Sprint/Nextel?
Whats the point? None of them are compatible with the network I use.

Would you rather be hot or cold?
Cold.

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
The person who thought of this question has surely lost his/her head!

Favorite place to eat?
In front of the telly.

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
Everything besides the bloody Opera.

Most Memorable Past?
My thoughts of the future,which always turn into reality better than imagined!

Most embarrassing moment?
Oh! I've had plenty of those! Like tumbling down stairs with clockwork regularity, commiting faux pas at inapporopriate times and occasions,the penny dropping in r-e-a-l-l-y late and godknowswhatnot which I have successfully erased from memory!Lol!

If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
The BMW X5.

Your favorite Disney Films?
Ice Age. Finding Nemo.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why ask me? Ask the chicken.

Do you support Paris?
The city, or the dumbo?

Where is Waldo?
I shop at Aldo, but what, or who, is Waldo??

Favorite element?
Air.

What was your last thought?
The deadlines for mailing my articles are so close and I am wasting my time on THIS!

Firefox, Internet Explorer, Netscape, or other?
Internet Explorer.

Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
Milk and cookies. And the milk has to be cold.

Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?
Bad laugh. A bad cough is transitory.

Are you a cat or a dog person?
People’s person.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
WTF?!

Define yourself in 3 words…
Temperamental, compassionate, creative.

Do you eat cold cereal at night?
No. Why pass the chance to munch on choccies, ice cream and cheese sandwiches?

What is your favorite TV show?
I am a sucker for reality and cookery shows.

Do you shower every single day?
No.

Boat or bus?
Gulfstream.

What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out?
Ask him for George Clooney's number.

What is your favorite food?
Creamy cheesesauce-based pasta. Sizzlers and Gujju food.

Do you read harry potter books?
Used to, till I got bored of them.

If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
The ability to fly...what with fuel prices rocketing like mad and affecting travel, it would be a great idea to fly for free!

Have you had a beer in the last week?
I haven’t had a beer in this lifetime.

Vitamin Water or Gatorade?
Neither, really. If I have to choose...Vitamin Water.

Favorite body part?
Benicio Del Toro and Abhishek Bachchan’s mouth. Robert Downey Junior, Brad Pitt and Rahul Bose’s rear. Vinod Khanna and George Clooneys clefts.

Flip flops or sandals?
Wedges.

What do you do on Fridays?
Why specifically Fridays?

Do you like bananas?
Yes. The are potassium-rich, which is great for the hair!

Whew! And that's the end of the tag...
Yaaaaaaayyyyy!

Movie Review...

2008-06-14T00:07:00.002+05:30

...Aamir

Dr Aamir Ali (Rajeev Khandelwal, mindblowingly brilliant!) lands into Mumbai city after a 3 year stint abroad. And then lands into a plot of bewilderment and terror. His family has been kidnapped, his luggage stolen and a cellphone is handed over to him. The cellphone belongs to an unknown number and voice. The voice instucts him to follow commands, if he wants his family back and Dr Aamir snakes through the squalid underbelly of Mumbai city following instructions.
A brilliant and flawless debut performance by Rajeev Khandelwal as he swiftly and effortlessly goes through emotions ranging from rage to helplessness and finally resignation. Amazingly shot and written, with the dark side of Mumbai-city potrayed like never before, the movie keeps you at the edge of your seat. ‘Aamir’ is a must-watch for people who love good cinema.
My only quibble; the pace of the film and the editing could have been tauter.

...Sarkar Raj

Power, politics and passion form the base, once again, for the sequel to ‘Sarkar’. It is good but could have done with a faster pace, crisper editing, fewer crazy angled shots and lesser close ups *I counted all the blackheads, pimples, craters and pores on Abhishek’s face!*
Abhishek is monotonous with just one expression throughout. Aishwariya is surprisingly restrained and good.
But Amitabh is THE MAN! He is excellent!!*as always* and in the last 20 minutes of the movie, Amitabh is a virtual film institution, his performance is that awe worthy!

Tales of a Teetotaler

2008-06-06T13:52:00.005+05:30

The reason I don’t need a drink is because I’m always high on life.

I have had an inkling of it for a while now. Careful and constant observation has confirmed it. And I am now completely convinced that I belong to the fast-heading-towards-extinction species, otherwise known as, ‘Teetotalers.’

A Teetotaler in today’s world is a rare specimen. Everyone wants to get a closer look, and ask lots of questions. And the expressions that usually accompany the questions are the kind people would have on their faces if they spotted Mike Tyson knitting or Mick Jagger with a crew cut or Maneka Gandhi masticating a succulent bit of tandoori chicken.

“You don’t drink? You don’t smoke? You must be joking!” is the incredulous refrain each time I choose an orange juice over a Vodka or I am the only one not smoking. Now I do joke, yes, but drink or smoke, no.
“Not even a beer?” is the question that typically follows next.
“Beer. Now that’s something I…”
“I knew it! You do drink after all!” a victorious smile usually accompanies this statement.
“…only use to condition my hair with” a crestfallen smile replaces the victorious one the face wore an instant ago.

“So, you’ve never, ever had an alcoholic drink?” is the other most-asked question.

Now, my curiosity could teach cats a thing, or twenty, but strangely enough I have never been curious enough to try an alcoholic drink. The opportunities to do so were, and still are, plenty. But just like I have never been inquisitive enough to find out the flavor of an Octopus or the texture of Dog meat, in the same way I have never wanted to know what an alcoholic drink tastes like. And that’s why I don’t drink. Simple.

So, I’ve never had an alcoholic drink. But, I would be lying if I said I haven’t ever wondered how it would feel to be drunk.

Holi around the corner and the compelling curiosity to find out led me to adventurously glug down two enormous glasses of ‘Bhaang’ (hiding behind a tree, if details interest you.)
While I waited for the Indian version of Dope to intoxicate me, I smiled to myself at pleasurable Bhaang-induced very-soon-to-be-inebriated-visions of myself a) Dancing wildly for the next couple of hours b) Laughing uproariously for the next few days c) Sleeping off the whole of the following week d) Pointing out at Bhaang-induced multiple images of people and laughing some more e) All of the above and in no particular order. And proudly regaling all and sundry with all of the above anecdotes at every given, or forcefully taken, opportunity.

After a good one hour, when I was still ‘all there’ in the head, just smiling pleasantly and not laughing uproariously, and could still see people in singular form, without the much anticipated double vision, I grew suspicious. Only to find out that all I had done was upped my calcium intake. The supposedly-spiked Bhaang was just flavored milk.
The real Bhaang was hidden away and accessible only to people of the inner clique (read people who were notorious drunks and the ones who could hold their drink, and I guess didn’t qualify for either.)
So no, I have never, ever had an alcoholic drink. And now I no longer even wonder how it would feel to be drunk either.

But when repeatedly faced with a multitude of these questions I wish I wasn’t a Teetotaler and could gulp down a drink for some Dutch courage. But I just make do with a deep breath, a resigned smile and patiently answer all the queries, adding the Bhaang incident if I am in a good mood.

This article first appeared in the September 2007 issue of the magazine Complete- Wellbeing.

Book Review: The 3 Mistakes of My Life by Chetan Bhagat

2008-05-26T12:21:00.005+05:30

258 Pages.

With his debut book, ‘Five Point someone’, he enlightened us that there is a lot more besides swotting going on in an IIT students life. By reading his second narrative, ‘One Night @ the call centre’ we realized that complaining customers aren’t the only ones who call in. And Chetan Bhagat’s third and latest book titled ‘The 3 Mistakes of My Life’ revolves around politics, business, cricket and religion

This is apparently a true story. A suicide note in his email box disturbed the author so much that he traced the recipient of the email and flew down to Ahmedabad all the way from Singapore to meet him. Govind Patel was the writer of the email and this is his story.

Govind is a brilliant math tutor, helping his mother in her small time snack business after his father walked out on them. Ishan, once an awesome aspiring cricketer, ran away from the NDA because he realized he didn’t like taking orders from anyone, disappointing his parents in the process. Omi is the son of a priest and doesn’t want to end up becoming one himself. The 3 main protagonists are best friends living in an old ‘pol’ (colony) of Ahmedabad.

An ambitious Govind decides that the only way they can get their families and other people to respect them is by starting their own business. After much cajoling, Ishan reluctantly agrees and, afraid to disagree against the majority, Omi joins in. Together, they rent out a shop owned by Omi’s Uncle, Mama, in Omi’s family temple complex and open a sports shop. Govind further convinces Ishan to offer cricket coaching to kids who buy sports goods from them. Thanks to his shrewd business acumen, the shop starts registering profits almost instantly.

As the profits grow, so do Govind’s ambitious plans. He once again persuades his friends and the three pool in their profits to rent a store in a mall coming up in a posh area of Ahmedabad. But before they can move in, the Bhuj Earthquake of 2001 crushes the mall, their future plans and most of all their dreams. And they are back to the humble shop in the temple complex.

Meanwhile, Omi’s uncle, Mama, asks them to join his political party as party workers. Because they are renting his shop, and because they would need to continue renting it for some more time, they decide to attend a political rally just one time to appease Mama.

Along the way, Govind is asked to tutor Ishan’s firecracker of a sister, Vidya, and unknown to everyone around they both get really close, causing Govind to commit his first mistake. Ishan discovers an exceptionally talented child, Ali, and dreams of grooming him to play for the Indian Cricket team, a latent personal dream that he could never fulfill. Thanks to Mama’s constant intrusion and influence Omi starts getting more and more involved in politics and religion.
There is a trip to Goa as well as Australia to get Ali to meet and get coached by the best. Religious politics and the Godhra Riots are further added to this broth to turn the world of the 3 friends upside down, and causing Govind to make two more of his mistakes.

Reading Chetan Bhagat’s books always give me the feeling that I am reading someone’s personal journal with his simple language and appealing narration being his USP.

This book is missing both.

The story seems forced; the language is pedestrian and certain situations unbelievable. Because of which, inspite of so many adversities happening to and around them, and you don’t feel for the characters at all.

Cricket, politics and religion, are topics with the most emotional and explosive potential and Bhagat hasn’t used them as he could possibly have. In spite of situations like natural calamities, love, despair etc, no passion comes through. This book made for an insipid read, akin to reading an electronics manual.

And what disappoints even further is that this is Bhagats’ 3rd book with 2 bestsellers preceding it! Third time certainly isn’t the charm for Chetan Bhagat.

Rating **

My very own rating chart;

*Use it as a doorstop.
**Read it if you have nothing better to do.
***You will like it if you like this particular genre of writing.
****Must read!
*****What! You haven’t read it YET !

Book Review: Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri

2008-05-21T11:09:00.009+05:30

Human Nature will not flourish, any more than a potato, if it be planted and replanted, for too long a series of generations, in the same worn-out soil. My children have had other birthplaces, and, so far as their fortunes may be within my control, shall strike their roots into unaccustomed earth – Nathaniel Hawthorne, “The Custom-House.”

333 Pages. Hardcover.

Rating ****

After winning critical acclaim, loyal readership and multiple honors for her debut book of short stories ‘Interpreter of Maladies’ and her first novel ‘The Namesake’, Jhumpa Lahiri unfurls her third book.

Unaccustomed Earth is a book of short stories that traverse the globe, taking us from Cambridge to Seattle to India and Thailand. The stories are centered around relationships. The relationship of an uprooted immigrant with his alien land. The taut link between traditional parents and their second-generation, confused immigrant children. Fractured relationships which cause heartbreak to invariably follow love. Loveless marriages and detached bonds. All described in Lahiri’s exquisite prose that introduces you to the lives of the people who soon become a part of yours.

The book is divided into two parts. The first part consists of 5 short stories starting with
the opening story also titled ‘Unaccustomed Earth’, about a daughter and her recently widowed father who are awkward around each other without the common thread, the mother and wife, that connected them. They are both surprised by the changes in the other, and even more so by the secret that is gently revealed as the story progresses.

‘Hell-Heaven’ is about discovering love and heart break, after marriage.

‘A Choice of Accommodations’ was a rather vague story about a couple, who attends a friends wedding and reminisce about their own past there.

‘Only Goodness’ is about a brother and sister who grow up together, and then grow apart, with parents as silent witnesses on the sidelines always.

‘Nobody’s business’ tells you about the different shades of love, and the discoveries and heartbreak that follow, through the life of the protagonist called Sang.

Part two, titled Hema and Kaushik illustrates the span of their lives through a trio of linked stories. From when they first meet as malleable children in their home environment of Massachusetts, to when they meet again as inflexible adults on a neutral and transitory land of Rome.

I would have imagined that it would have been difficult, almost impossible even, to top ‘The Namesake’, but with her latest book Lahiri has managed to do so. Tinged with an emotional astuteness and maturity that surprises you, this has to be her best work so far. Each story is like a novelette in itself, rich with detail and emotions that linger in your thoughts long after you’re done reading, making you realize that Jhumpa Lahiri does not write stories, she crafts them.

********************************************

My very own rating chart;

*Use it as a doorstop.
**Read it if you have nothing better to do.
***You will like it if you like this particular genre of writing.
****Must read!
*****What! You haven’t read it YET !

My bad!

2008-05-08T22:34:00.007+05:30

It’s been a blooper-free time on the Dubya front for a while now. And I had safely assumed that maybe US President, Mr George Bush wouldn’t out-stupid himself anymore.
My bad.
‘Coz he proved me wrong, and how!
He comes along making the mother of all inane statements by proclaiming that India is to blame for the world wide food shortage.
And what surprised me even further, is that US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's similar statement preceded it.
It isn’t that big a surprise coming from Dubya, but Et tu, Condoleezza? I thought you were one of the non-stupid ones.
My bad.

And if you need to know more about me, you only have to ask...

2008-04-17T10:50:00.024+05:30

Tags make for a great blog post. Especially when each time I write a post, it ends up as my magazine article instead! ;) So, when I spotted this rather nippy and interesting Tag on Suniti’s blog, I asked her if I could borrow it for mine, and she Tagged me, pronto! Thanks, Suniti!:)

A -Available?
Who wants to know?

B-Best friend:
I just realized, I’ve outgrown all of them.

C-Cake or Pie?
Both! Sweet set of 32, being my excuse!

D-Drink of choice:
O J. Iced tea(peach). Flavored water.

E-Essential things used everyday:
Birkenstocks. Glasses. Scrunchies.

F-Favourite colour:
I am in-between favorite colors at the mo. Can’t decide between purple and green.

G-Gummi bears or worms:
Yuck to both! What do you think I am? 12, or Chinese?!

H-Hometown:
Bombay

I-Indulgence:
A great massage.

J-January or February:
I love both these months, and November and December. I don't remember anyone asking, but I absolutely abhor March-April and July-August-September.

K-Kids and names:
Putting the cart before the horse, aren’t we now?

L-Life:
LivelyInvigoratingFunnyattimesEverythingthatIcouldhaveaskedfor.

M-Marriage date:
You will be invited. If you promise to get me presents. Lots of them.

N-Number of siblings:
2

O-Oranges or apples:
Orange; the fruit, the flavor (except in cookies & chocolates) but never the color (Okay. Maybe I’ll allow it just as an accent color)

P-Phobias:
Incessant talkers. Depressing Whiners.

Q-Quote:
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.

R-Reason to smile:
Haven't you heard? Smile. It keeps people wondering what you are up to! Also, there are times I smile because I have no idea what the hell is going on! And, the fact that I have a great one is reason enough to flash it at all other times ;)

S-Season:
Spring. Winter.

T-Tag three people:
Though I do realize that it won’t thrill them to bits, I tag Shelly, Anuja and Nautilius and hope they they’ll oblige me one more time.

U-Unknown fact about me:
The prolific blogger that I am, I would've guessed that, except for my PAN card number, my regular readers, and lurkers, would know everything about me. Apparently not.
So here goes an unknown fact about me; I was offered a Pears Soap advertisement contract when I was little. Mum declined. Wise decision I think, ‘coz, as a grown up, it would be have been mortifying to imagine how many people would have seen me frolicking in a bubble bath, topless.

V-Vegetable you do not like:
I am quite accomodating and can be successfully force-fed all vegetables. Though I don’t enjoy eating karela and some monstrosity called padwal at all.

W-Worst habit:
My computer-addiction. Its played havoc with my eyes!

X-x-rays you have had:
Really?! What’s next? Blood reports?

Y-Your favorite food:
Pasta/Sizzlers.

Z-Zodiac:
Gemini.

A News Channel informed me...

2008-04-11T11:00:00.009+05:30

...that Madonna is looking to adopt an Indian Baby.

I’m offended, Madge. Really! *sulking*
I am right here and you need to go looking all over the place!

Let me explain. I am Indian. I used to be called Baby, till I refused to answer to it (when I was 10 years old, if details interest you) So, Indian + Baby = Indian baby. See!

We already have things in common you know; like the initial alphabet of our names and our love for the other’s culture. We even share the same star sign! (Well, ok. I am a Leo only according to my Hindu birth chart, not otherwise, but still…)

Besides, we have similar tastes; Versace. Yoga. Gym Workouts. Guy Ritchie.

And imagine the bonuses. No sleepless nights. No formula-mixing. No diaper-changing. No potty-training. And I am so magnanimously thoughtful, I won’t even address you as ‘Mamma’ in public.

So come and get me...you-who-must-not-be-addressed-so-in-public!

Quelle Horreur!

2008-03-27T15:21:00.015+05:30

Dear Heather,

Now that you’ve managed to get your hands on your ex-husband, Sir Paul McCartney's millions *a few of the many, many more he still has, mind* I just hope you’d start dressing better.

(Truly curious to know what might have made you want to dress like a harlequin. Temporary blindness? Dressing in the dark? Too excited about grabbing the dosh? What? What? WHAT? DAYUM!! I AM CURIOUS!!)

Movie Review : Juno

2008-03-19T14:56:00.006+05:30

Juno (Ellen Page. Precocious, wonderful, confident, perfectly cast. Ah! I could go on and on about her!)is 16. An implusive ‘experiment’ with boyfriend Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera) and Juno is pregnant. After a few moments of minor disbelief at finding herself pregnant, Juno decides to go in for an abortion.

On her way to it, her anti-abortion friend Su Chin informs her that fetuses have finger nails, which sets Juno thinking. At the abortion clinic she is put off by the gum-chewing-free-condom-offering receptionist and coupled with the guilty thought of the baby having fingernails she changes her mind and decides to keep the baby after all, and ‘give it away’ after it is born.

She announces her pregnancy and the decision to relinquish the baby to her delightfully dysfunctional family, her father, Mac (J.K Simmons, splendid!) and step-Mum, Bren (Allison Janney, absolutely brill!She has some great guffaw-worthy lines) who support her without question, after they get over the initial shock, that is.

Along with best friend Leah (Olivia Thirlby, cute) Juno goes through the Pennysavers classifieds and discovers childless couple Mark and Vanessa Loring (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner) advertising for parenthood and after meeting them she decides that they can have her baby when it’s born.

As her pregnancy progresses, Juno begins to reconsider her relationship with Bleeker, a boy she’s always been attracted to but has denied having feelings for – other than friendship. She’s also forced into reconsidering her decision to place her baby with Vanessa and Mark when the couple turns out to be not quite the perfect potential adoptive parents she thought they were.

With a flawless script, perfect casting and superlative performances, Juno is a strikingly fresh and charming film that keeps you smiling throughout. It’s the kind of movie you want to rush out and tell, nay force, everyone to see!

Movie Review: 27 Dresses

2008-03-19T14:54:00.003+05:30

Jane (Katherine Heigl, endearing) plays the perpetual bridesmaid who attends every wedding she can with the firm belief that the Brides will return the favor when it’s her turn to walk down the aisle. She keeps her bridesmaid dresses, 27 in all, lined up in a bursting closet, even as she dreams and hopes for her perfect wedding.

She is secretly in love with her boss, George (Edward Burns. Looking & sounding horrible. Sorry Dude, but you are so off my ‘Guys- I-Would-Trade-My-Neighbors-Kidneys-For’ List) but too shy to let him know. While she gathers the courage to spill her heart out to him, amply egged on by her friend and co worker Casey (Judy Greer in a tiny but delightful role), along comes her glamorous sister Tess (Malin Ackerman, miscast of the century) who literally sweeps George off his feet and before she knows it, Jane is enlisted to plan George and Tess’s wedding.

Kevin (James Marsden, good) is a journalist who writes a sappy, mushy ‘Commitment’ column under a pen name in the Sunday wedding section of the New York Journal. He is waiting for ‘that one story’ that will bring him instant fame. When he accidently bumps into Jane, as she is departing from one wedding to go to anotherr, he is amused and intrigued by the weddings penciled in her filofax that she accidently leaves behind in the cab she exited and plans to write a splashy Sunday feature on her existence as the ultimate bridesmaid. But she has no idea that he is even doing the story!

As if the heartbreak of her sister marrying George wasn’t enough, Janes story, along with her pictures in all her bridesmaids dresses, is splashed across the Sunday and she is literally the talk, and sympathy of town.

Though the movie offers nothing new, the plot and script being rather predictable and clichéd,the movie is frothy and entertaining and has some good moments scattered sparingly.

Messages from the other planet

2008-02-26T18:40:00.008+05:30

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. This is a topic that has been discussed and dissected when it is not being used, abused, referred to or taken advantage of, each time debating inhabitants of Mars and Venus come face to face.

Because the chasm between the two planets is so vast, messages, by the time they reach the other side, tend to get warped. A Venusian may say something and the Martian may interpret it as something else, and vice versa.

It is often said that communication is the best way to keep a relationship going, so here are a few things Venusians would like Martians to know, and hope the messages reach them in the essence they were intended;

* Please look us in the eye when you talk to us. In case of navigational difficulties, our eyes are those two black/brown/green/blue/ and white colored disks on our face. Our face is that object that’s balanced on our neck. Our neck is that tubular growth sprouting up from between our shoulders. Our shoulders are those curves which precede our chest. Our chest is that region you have been staring at ever since you walked in.

* The only correct answer to the question, “Do I look fat in this?” is “No darling, you are perfect.” Memorize it.

* You can be as metro sexual/ retro sexual (or whatever the latest term, used to refer to your being in touch with your aesthetic side is) as you like, as long as you don’t filch our beauty products, hair accessories and jewelry.

* Diamonds, jewelry, bags and shoes are investments. The Xbox, Play station and other similar gadgets are not.

* If we come to you with a problem, don’t play counselor. We’ll figure out the answer on our own. In fact, we already know the answer; we just like hearing ourselves talk.

* Of course, that swimwear model is perfect, she’s airbrushed! Oooohh! Look at the perfect six-pack on the shirtless model, he works out.

* We wonder why you don’t follow some of the unisex beauty and fashion tips from our girly magazines that you secretly read from cover to cover.

* We like watching sport too. Particularly those which have a bunch of good-looking, hunky, sweaty and just-appropriately-enough clad men playing the field. Which is why, cricket and the F1 make us reach for the remote.

* Hair any longer than the shoulders is a horror to maintain. If you like long hair, grow yours.

* We are as scared of commitment as you are. We imagine George Clooney/Colin Farrell/ Jude Law sprinting towards us, holding aloft a rock-sized solitaire and apologizing for not realizing we were ‘The One’, just as we are about to slip the ring onto your finger.

* When you tell us to ‘Relax’, we getter madder still.

* We love your mother just as much as she loves us.

* Grooming your self is not so tough; take our word on that one. Having an occasional manicure/pedicure is not injurious to health. Bathing everyday is not known to have caused sudden, untimely death to any man. Brushing your teeth twice a day and clipping your toe-nails, before you stab someone to death with them, will not kill you either.

* When we go to the bathroom together, we talk about you.

* We have convenient and selective amnesia and hearing.

* When we say that we know something is going on, something is undeniably going on, and you’d better own up soon.

* We are thinking of the children when we secretly hope for a good-looking husband.

This article first appeared in the November ’07 issue of the magazine Complete Wellbeing, India.

New Year! New Thoughts! New Post!

2008-01-22T15:13:00.002+05:30

Ever so often, the desire to evolve drives me to cast a sweeping glance through my attitude, my life and the people in it. After a swift, and at times contemplative, reckoning I sift through my thoughts, ideals, people and everything that affects me and my day to day living.
Retaining the gist of what has worked well for me, I chuck the clutter of stagnant ideas, situations and everything that has been weighing me down, to make way for new replacements.
I quite enjoy this occasional mind-body-soul upgrade because, besides being essential, it is exhilarating and enlightening.The last time I did this was a very long time ago and a lot of what I gleaned from it still stays with me. Here’s adding some more to a constantly altering list;

* God appreciates good manners. A heartfelt ‘Thank-you’ not only works wonders, but mysteriously speeds up the completion of your next request.
* Well-timed silence is intimidating.
* When you stop searching, things come to you.
* I am more patient than I give myself credit for.
* Each time I assume I know it all, life surprises me.
* The more thankful you are for what life hands you, the more it gives.
* With each passing moment my belief in the Circle of Life is further enhanced, as I have repeatedly seen and experienced that ‘Everything you do does come back to you, with even greater intensity than you put it out with’
* Cardio is great for you!
* Life is not easy when you have values, morals and opinions. To top it, if you are emotional-baggage free and a teetotaler, you might as well wear a sign that says ‘FREAK.’
* Goodness is such a rare commodity that any visibility of it takes people by surprise.
* Honesty is not always the best policy.
* It is cheaper to stay healthy.
* I have passed the stage where I want to be universally liked. I want to be loved, hated, worshiped, abhorred, revered and the whole smorgasbord of emotions.
* I am extremely wary of people who are always smiling and of those who never lose their cool.
* Boundaries in relationships are essential.
* People will run down a thing, till they can afford it.
* Niceness surprises people. They like to believe there is an underlying motive for it somewhere.
* I am still a sucker for a deep baritone.
* I love the word ‘Bloody’.
* Saying ‘No’ is easy. And addictive. You do come zipping down popularity charts, but it’s worth it.
* A person who is not loyal to his/her country and his/her family cannot be loyal to anybody.
* People who don’t get along with their parents and siblings have troubled relationships otherwise.
* As much as we may pretend otherwise, we are judgmental in our own ways.
* Your Gut-feeling is rarely wrong.
* I need to come to my own conclusions about people, as other people perceptions differ.
* It is essential to give only how much is required.
* Too bad if I don’t fit into anyone’s idea of a perfect person.

Movie Review: Aaja Nachle

2007-12-02T01:17:00.001+05:30

Directed by Anil Mehta. Produced by Aditya Chopra.
Starring: Madhuri Dixit, Konkona Sen Sharma, Akshaye Khanna, Kunal Kapoor, Divya Dutta, Ranvir Shorey, Vinay Pathak, Raghubir Yadav and others.

Running time: 145 mins.

Rating : **

A dance studio in New York, where shapely instructor Dia (Madhuri Dixit) is coaching foreigners in dance, in Hema Malini-accented English, when she is interrupted by a phone call from India. The morose voice on the other end conveys bad news which forces Dia to make an instant decision to return to India after 11 long years, a single mother with pudgy daughter in tow.

Cut to flashback. Dia is a chirpy small-town girl who loves to dance and spends every waking hour perfecting her steps at ‘Ajanta’ the amphitheatre in her tiny town, Shamli. Her dance guru, Dadda (Darshan Jariwala, who could teach Shahrukh Khan a thing, or twenty, about hamming) encourages her to do so and dream big even as her parents try to confine her to home and hearth. Dia catches visiting foreign photographer from Nation Geographic, Steve’s lens and eye and before the click of a shutter they are madly in love and lust.
Eyes pop open and tongues start wagging at Steve and Dia’s open display of friendship-bordering-on-affection around the town. The horrified small town mentality reaches such a crescendo that the head of the town, Chaudhary, comes up to Dia’s parents and warns them to reign in their smutty daughter, or else…
That evening as Dia returns home hopping, skipping and humming her parents greet her with a hard slap and the news that her wedding has been arranged with local tea-stall owner Mohan (Ranvir Sheory, brilliant as usual, in a sip-your-tea-and-you-miss-it role) for the day after tomorrow, tomorrow being her big, and last, dance performance in her beloved ‘Ajanta.’
After her swansong Dadda encourages Dia to live her life, and elope, and Dia and Steve do just that and fly away to America, shaming Dia’s parents into leaving Shamli.

Cut to present-day Shamli. Doctor saab (Raghubir Yadav, valiantly trying to outdo Darshan Jariwala’s hamming prowess) informs Dia that she is too late and Daddaji has passed away, leaving behind a last request, on film, for her, his favorite student. The request is to resurrect the abandoned and now-in-ruins ‘Ajanta’ to its former glory. Dia vows to do just that till the ominous Doctor saab informs her that ‘Ajanta’ is going to be razed to build a shopping mall in it’s place. An enraged Dia approaches the local MP Rajasaab (Akshaye Khanna, looking dishier that the pizza he comes in with in his introductory scene) opposing the building of the shopping mall. He gives her a 2 month leeway to prove the fact that Ajanta should stand there, turning down her idea of bringing in her dance troupe from New York for a musical and challenging her to rope in the Shamli-locals to stage a musical instead.

A hostile Shamli, who treat Dia as a pariah for abandoning her parents and eloping with a foreigner all those years ago jeer when she invites the entire village for a dance performance par excellence and introduces herself and her dream to resurrect Ajanta. Boo’s, brickbats and lewd references to her rather colorful past greet her idea and she and Doctor saab are left standing alone as the crowds hastily depart.

Things begin to fall in place when Chaudhary’s goons, headed by Imran (Kunal Kapoor, really good) who have been sent to tear down what has been revived so far by Dia are sweet-talked by her into not only letting Ajanta be but also into starring in the lead and other important roles in the musical ‘Laila-Majnu’ that she plans to stage to prove that Shamli needs culture more than a shopping mall. A sly Chaudhary not only agrees to play a role in the musical but begins campaigning for Ajanta, to gain favor for the upcoming elections against Rajasaab. A medley of characters is soon cast in all the roles with Imran as Majnu, Anokhi (Konkona Sen Sharma, adorable) as Laila, Sanjeev Mehta ( Jugal Hansraj in a yawn and you miss him role) as Laila’s brother Tabrez and assorted others like Mr Chojar( Vinay Pathak, repetitive) playing the narrator and Chaudhary(Akhilendra Mishra ) playing Laila’s father.

The rehearsals progress with all the non-actors blossoming into actors and love blossoming between Imran and Anokhi. The rehearsals have paid off, the people of the town have thawed towards Dia, and the stage is set for the much awaited ‘Laila-Majnu’ till Chadhary, handsomely bribed by the shopping mall owner/builder Irfann Khan sends his goons to thrash Ajanta and stop the musical from being staged. What happens next? Will the musical be staged? Will Dia succeed in saving Ajanta?

In her eagerly awaited comeback film Madhuri Dixit doesn’t disappoint. Her charismatic screen- persona reminds you of the endearing and sensuous ‘Mads’ of yore. Though the America-returned slim, sleek and chic version of the now Mrs Nene looks much better than she did in her last stint as an actress where we were accustomed to seeing her with garish makeup, a stiffly sprayed Elvis-like bouffant of a hairstyle and enough padding to make a double-bed mattress. Her brilliant smile lights up the screen making you almost overlook how haggard certain camera angles make her seem; nothing that a few more shots of botox and some clever surgery can’t cure.

The rest of the cast lend adequate support with Kunal Kapoor and Konkona Sen Sharma standing out with their brilliant performances. A special mention to Akshaye Khanna and Ranvir Sheory who excel in their miniscule roles. Choreography by Vaibhavi Merchant is outstandingly refreshing with Madhuri’s lithe body language enhancing it further. Music by Salim-Suleiman is so-so.

A predictable storyline (Jaideep Sahni), stereotypical characters, sluggish direction by debutant Anil Mehta and tardy editing ( Ritesh Soni) weigh the story down. The most uninspired and insipid first shot or ‘entry’, as it is known in filmi parlance, introducing the awaited and loved star Madhuri Dixit sets the tone for the rest of the film. The only saving grace being the Laila-Majnu musical staged at the end which is brilliantly choreographed, has gorgeous sets and costumes and performed with passionate intensity by the pair of Kunal and Konkona and all others. ‘Come dance with me’ invites Madhuri from her film posters, but after this movie you only dance for joy that it’s finally over.

*Rating Chart.

* I want my money back + a fully booked and paid 3 month trip to _________(please fill in a destination of choice)

** I don’t want my money back even though I didn’t like the movie, but director/producer may please pay for my popcorn/samosa/parking.

*** Time and money both well spent!

**** Loved it!

***** Whistle, clap, even smile at irritating neighbor-who-kept-talking-on-cell phone, queue up to buy tickets again and extol virtues of the movie.

I fail to understand …

2007-11-11T22:03:00.000+05:30

…why the BMC ( Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation) waits for the festive months to start digging up roads?
Come October and the absent-whole-year-through-BMC workers appear with their shovels, hoes, trucks and whatnots and start hollowing out newly laid and concreted roads, spilling their guts onto the surface. To this eyesore, add traffic jams, lengthy detours, no parking and hysterical confusion everywhere. The wedding season, the festivals that follow each other and New Years Eve are a total washout all thanks to them.

…why the participants on Talent Shows air their miserable a life/childhood stories. On all the singing-shows I have watched so far, there has been at least 1 participant who constantly reminded the audiences of his/her despair with tear-filled eyes, unfailingly on each episode. If this is what you prefer presenting, why not just name the thing Lament Show?

…the hype surrounding Rakhi Sawant.
It surprises me even more when women say they ‘admire’ her. Since when did qualities like crassness, media-manipulation, and slyness become admirable?

…the desperate Indian need to shine in reflected glory, when it comes to acknowledging NRI’s-who refuse-to-be-acknowledged, like Bobby Jindal, V.S Naipul, Sunita Williams, reach some noteworthy stage in life.

…the inane ‘BREAKING NEWS’ headlines that are flashed almost every second on every news channel. How on Godsgreenearth does it matter to us if ‘AISHWARIYA AND ABHISHEK VIST THE TAJ or ‘SACHIN GOES BOATING WITH FAMILY.’

…why all Female-oriented serials are centered around Men?
When the Women aren’t fighting for or with the Men, they are either conniving or trying to ensnare them. The portrayal of women in soaps like ‘Desperate Housewives’ and all of Ekta Kapoor’s serials is really pathetic. And what is even more pathetic is, when perfectly intelligent women proudly identify themselves with those sorry characters.

…the hue and cry raised against Racism after Shilpa Shetty made it fashionable to do so, when our fellow-Indians settled abroad are the most racist of the lot.
From seemingly innocent queries like whether India and Indians are aware of ‘Brands’ and what ‘Supermarkets’ are, to snide comments on the Indian-accented English and curry-related jokes and comments. But you forgive them because you understand that living on bread may have addled their brains a wee bit and maybe their last trip back home was 5 long years ago and the next one will only be after they retire/save up enough/or win a lottery, whichever happens first.

…what people mean when they say ‘There is a child inside me’. Particularly, when those very people are conducting themselves in a way that no child, whether inside or outside, would be capable of. I swear on all my shoes, the next time someone proclaims ‘There is a child inside me’ I am going to ask ‘When is it due?’

Things that bring a smile to my face these days...

2007-10-09T14:25:00.000+05:30

Reality Shows:
Yes, I know they are as ‘real’ as Pamela Anderson (in)famous assets, but I still cant help being hooked onto almost every ‘Reality Show’ that comes along.
Lately, I have been watching ‘Nach Baliye-3’ *I am rooting for Aamir Ali and Sanjeeda and Alex and Sweta* and ‘Jhalak Dikhlaja-2’ *Love Ronit Roy, Mini Mathur and Cyrus Broacha* with a fervor that has taken my usually slothful self, where watching television is concerned, by surprise.
I have been wondering why my fascination with these dance shows is so intense and have finally come to the conclusion, after detailed and careful analysis, that besides having a shameless voyeur among the many other selves inside me, I love watching non-dancers dance, or try to dance. Also, it could be something to do with the fact that I can make Sunny Deol/Dharmendra, or a corpse, look good and graceful on the dance floor.

Amber-Dhara:
A tele-serial on Sony that got me watching a soap once more, after ages.
A refreshingly different concept, fresh locations and an almost brand new cast, Amber Dhara is worth spending a precious half-hour of my priceless life ;) A story of co-joined twins and set in green and clean Panchgani *though my clever self suspects it could very well be Filmcity or some such Mumbai studio* this serial looks promising indeed. The new girls playing the co-joined twins are really cute and natural and I sincerely hope the rest of the story continues in the same vein.

NDTV Good Times:
Is being touted as ‘India’s First Lifestyle Television Channel’, and from what I have seen of it, I’ll have to agree with their claim.
After ‘Travel & Living’ let me down by concentrating on shows about bikes, bikers and their ilk I was totally heartbroken, because nothing about, or on, 2 wheels interests me much.
But NDTV came along with good times, literally, and super, and unusual, cookery shows, gadget shows, that even a techo-phobe like me can understand and learn from, tiny travel-snippets and full-fledged and informative Travel-shows and my most favorite thing on television, makeover shows.Slainte to good times on television!

Facebook:
Friends send me gifts and hatching eggs, I pet animals and compare myself to movie stars and I am thrilled at being poked, serenaded, high-fived, punched, hugged, dropkicked, head butted, defenestrated *just found out it means 'throwing out of the window'*, bitten by vampires and godknowswhatnot on this wonderful site that I discovered just when I put my hands up exclaiming “Net-Working sites are just Not-Working for me!”
What a heartening change Facbook is from Orkut, a site I was on for barely a month before fearfully escaping, ‘i wants to be your frand/lats make fraandship’, requests.

Loins of Punjab Presents:
A hilarious, well written and well made movie that had me smiling long after I walked out of the theater. Unlike the usual formula ABCD movies/moviemakers tend to follow, this film is based around a singing competition ‘Desi Idol’, emulated along the lines of ‘American Idol’, in New Jersey and attracts all kinds of people auditioning for it. There were no stereotypical characters, no India/Indian bashing and no characteristic twists and turns. Though the film is made on a tight budget, and it shows *and methinks shot mostly in India, rather than the USA as they would have us believe* the new faces, intelligent script and taut direction more than make up for that. My favorite characters were the two gay-foul-mouthed-wannabe-rapper Surds and of course Shabana Azmi. And Manish Acharya, who is the director of this film, also plays the part of a Amitabh Bachchan-crazy, statistic-spewing guy who has just lost his job, is the cutest overweight guy I have seen in a while.

Neil Mukesh:
Coming from a rich lineage of music and velvety voices, this stunningly good-looking grandson of the late yesteryear singer Mukesh, and son of singer Nitin Mukesh chose to make his debut in front of the camera, rather than follwing the tradition of lending his voice to someone in front of it, and boy, what a wise decision that was! Watch this gorgeous and supremely talented hunk in his daringly different debut film ‘Johnny Gaddar’ to see the bright future of Indian Cinema unfurling his various talents before your eyes.
The movie itself was a refreshing change with a fresh storyline, no item-numbers, no predictable twists and turns and more importantly, no Mauritius, Switzerland and London *God! Those locations are so overdone!* Though I thought the editing wasn’t up to the mark and 45mins-1hour could have been easily shaved off to make the pace of this film more thrilling and edge-of-the-seat. Neil Mukesh is one glorious discovery! Though he’s still very young and brilliantly raw, this talented newcomer couldn’t have made a more impressive debut! He is certainly someone I will be watching out for in the future.

Why God, why?

2007-09-11T00:22:00.001+05:30

After Himessbhai terrorized little children, and me, to death trying his darndest to act in ‘Aap Kaa Surroor–The Moviee-The Real Luv Story’ I thought there was nothing worse in store for my wide-open-in-astonishment eyes and numb-with-shock brain.

But I soon realized how very wrong I was when channel-surfing late one night I came across this;

Assuming the monstrosity to be part of one of my favorite reality shows, I waited for something outrageous to happen soon.
But what followed next was more than I had bargained for. Because, this horror not only moved, but flashed cleavage all over the place. And I finally realized that it was funny-man (Pun completely unintended) Shekhar Suman, in his new avatar of a pop singer.

And just when I thought that I had recovered from that shock, switching channels a few hours ago I saw this;

Shahrukh Khan with a six-pack, in his soon-to-be-released film ‘Om Shanti Om’!

I think I may need professional help to recover from the sight of this catastrophe.

Book Review: A Thousand Splendid Suns.

2007-07-05T18:20:00.001+05:30

A Thousand Splendid Suns: Khaled Hosseini.

367 Pages. Rs 520.

My very own Star Rating ***

Four years after debuting with his stupendous best-seller, ‘The Kite Runner’, Khaled Hosseini unfurls his latest; a story once again set in Afghanistan and beautifully titled ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns.’

‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ begins with 15 year old, illegitimate Mariam, who lives with her bitter, vitriolic – tongued mother on the outskirts of the village Herat. Mariam’s only consolations for her desolate life are the weekly visits by her much-married father. Visits that are more guilt-ridden chores, than those spurred by fatherly love. Visits, which fill Mariam’s mother with resentment, at the budding proximity and love between father and daughter, and Mariam with hope of a better, more respectable, future.

Her mother’s unexpected suicide renders Mariam homeless, and hopeless. On a suggestion by one of his wives, her father marries her off to sly, and troubled by his own past, Rasheed, a widower 30 years her senior, and Mariam moves to Kabul with him. Like everything else in her life her womb too lets her down, with one miscarriage following the other and causing Rasheed, who hungers for a son, to infuse this odd marriage with abuse, both mental and physical.

Two decades later, in the war-torn climate of Kabul, 15 year old Laila is blossoming in the first flush of young love when sudden tragedy strikes, forcing her to become part of her neighbors, Mariam and Rasheeds, miserable household. Desperate circumstances call for desperate measures and Laila agrees to the marriage proposal put forward by, the now nearing 70 years old, Rasheed immediately. Much to Mariam’s chagrin.

As Afghanistan is passed off from one brutal international exploitation to the other, from the mistreatment of Soviet occupation to the persistent violence of the Mujahidin and finally to the religious subjugations of the Taliban, the lives of the women Mariam and Laila are passed off from similar never-ending tortures and life seems like an endless struggle against starvation, cruelty, fear and of being trapped in marriage to the same abusive man.

And when circumstances seem impossibly bleak, a light at the end of the tunnel appears in the form of love. A love that instills in the women a new strength, and the will to hope for a new future. And it is this love, and hope, that helps them overcome every impossibly overwhelming obstacle with courage that even they were unacquainted with.

The beautiful title of the book comes from the lines of a poem composed about Kabul by Saeb-e-Tabrizi, a seventeenth-century Persian poet;

One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs,
Or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls.

Relationships and emotions are Khaled Hosseini’s forte and these are the dominant essences of ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’.
Through his characters, Hosseini explores the fragility and the tenacity of relationships. Of relationships in every form. He illustrates the hope of the success and the dread of failure, which each relationship comes wrapped in. He skillfully exemplifies emotions ruling lives, and emotions ruining it.

Khaled Hosseini’s simple, serene and subtle writing brings to life his much-loved Afghanistan and the reader witnesses the escalating crumbling of the country through his words. His words even momentarily bring alive the famed Bamiyan Buddhas which were destroyed by the Taliban, now lost forever.

‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ is about love, hope and the unexpected discovery of inner strength. And above all it is the touching tale of a beautiful bond between two women who, though unrelated by blood, are intimately related by circumstances.

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My very own rating chart;

*Use it as a doorstop.
**Read when you have nothing better to do.
***You will like it if you like this particular genre of writing.
****Must read!
*****What! You haven’t read it YET !

Movie Review : Aap Kaa Surroor – The Moviee. The Real Luv Story.

2007-07-02T12:28:00.000+05:30

HR (Himesh Reshammiya, pigmented and bumpy-lipped) is a world-class singer, an ‘Indian Rock star’ who is on a concert-tour in Heidelberg, Germany.

In between warding off wildly-crazed fans and singing at ‘sold-out’ concerts, the want of tickets of which are causing bloodshed all around, HR comes across his event-manager Riaa ( Hansika Motwani, pudgy and pasty-faced) in the most ridiculous boy-meets-girl scene ever filmed in the history of cinema. It is love at first sight for the ‘Rockstar’ and event manager over the Gayatri-mantra, that you are later enlightened is Riaa’s ring tone. Punctuated by a badly- picturised song or two, their love story moves forward at express speed.

Meanwhile, HR also comes across Germany’s top lawyer Ruby James ( Mallika Sherawat. Smokin’ Hot!) who also falls head-over-heels on sight and cant seem to keep her eyes and hands off love-magnet Reshammiyya. But humble and loyal HR, of the single-expression fame, rebuffs her, proclaiming true love only for perfectly-manicured- with-inch-long nails, Riaa, who, interestingly, never seems to be managing any event ever.

To add a twist to the story, HR is suddenly accused of murdering a TV reporter. The reporter, a German who has, hold-your-breath, strange and red-haired Raj Babbar for a father, was apparently planning a sting-operation on HR when she was brutally raped and murdered, by him.
“It’s a mistake!” screams HR dramatically as the German police arrest him from inbetween a throng of fans wildly clutching at him, immediately after one of the many sold-out concerts.
After that you have HR on a whodunit spree to find the real killer as he has to convince Riaa’s father that he isn’t one.

My curiosity levels could put a few thousand cats to shame and that was the reason I booked my usual first-day, last-show tickets to this 2 and a half hour exercise in self-love, by megalomaniac Reshammiyya. I admit though, to having more than a few uproarious laughs as I watched the one-expression wonder, clad in jackets and cap throughout the movie, trying his bestest to strut his stuff.

The entire movie has people singing paeans of praise; about how ‘humble’ the great ‘Rock star’ is, in spite of being such a craze all over the world. Of how ‘cultured’ (read : does not smoke, drink or flirt) he is in spite of, you guessed it, being a craze among women all over the world. Then you have Himesh blushing, laughing (look away please, not a pretty sight,) singing ‘Dard-e-dil’ totally off-key, doing a Mithun Chakraborty pelvic thrusting impersonation (keep children away) and what not, with one-expression throughout. We are also enlightened about why he never smiles, though the much-hyped revelation of Reshammiyya being shown without the cap in the end is a crinkle-your-eyes-in-laughter-and-you-miss-it scene.

The music, though immensely hum able when you hear it, is marred by badly picturised songs. I quite liked the sound of ‘Aasalaam’and ‘Tera mera milna’ before I saw them being murdered on screen by a cleavage-popping image of Himesh. The much-hyped ‘Mehbooba’ number with Mallika Sherawat appears abruptly at the end of the movie without any explanation and ends the same way.

The only two plus points of this movie are the gorgeous locations of Heidelberg and Black Forest which are such a welcome and refreshing change from done-to-death London in every second movie these days. And the stylish outfits, especially those worn by Hansika, which are very elegantly done.

Sadly Himesh has neither the looks nor the talent to be a ‘Hero’. And more sadly, neither does he have any honest and loyal people around him to tell him that.

Hansika Motwani, who was a child-star not so very long ago, needs a couple of years, a thousand exercise sessions and a few acting classes before she thinks of signing another movie. (And if she is really 15 years old, then I am a foetus!)

Mallika Sherawat is the only eye-candy worth ogling at, though it looks ridiculously unbelievable to have such a Drop-Dead-Gorgeous woman lusting after Himeshbhai and him giving her the cold shoulder.

Prashant Chadda, the director of this monstrosity, who also directs and conceives all of Himesh’s music videos, needs to stick to music-videos.

As for me, I need to start wearing caps. Really low. Low enough to obscure my vision. So that I can't watch idiotic films anymore.

Tag Along!

2007-06-25T15:31:00.000+05:30

I love Tags! And I love being Tagged *experiences a strange sense of Deja-Vu when she says this* And when Wooster tagged me with this ‘have-to-write-and-post-in-8-hours Tag’ how could I resist? Thanks, Wooster!;)))

Tag Rules
1) Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2) People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3) At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
4) If you fail to do this within eight hours, you will have to acknowledge Quicksilver as the Queen of the Universe (Apologies for tweaking the original wrathful deadlines a bit,Wooster! ;))

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1) I am completely handicapped without MS Word. I can’t type out a single sentence without breaking into a cold sweat, over the spellings, without it. I think it is a conspiracy by Microsoft, but no one believes me.

2) I cannot wear flat footwear. Just cannot. Even my ratty,old home-slippers have an inch-thick heel.

3) I bake the best choco-walnut-fudge brownie in the world. And never tire of boasting about it.

4) I am a flexible and adventurous eater. I will eat anything, if it doesn’t eat me first.

5) I can, and have, survived for days on minimum sleep (2 hrs) during exams and while traveling.

6) Contrary to a popular belief, that I take longer than Cleopatra, I take 11 minutes to get dressed (Yes, I timed it.)

7) I wear my purchases right out of the store.

8) I am a stickler for punctuality and burst a blood vessel each time people are late.

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Whether they like it or not,I tag;

Iris...I love reading her answers and just so that I can see a new post up on her blog!
Freespirit...I am getting addicted to her blog :0)
That Girl In Pink... I am looking forward to reading her answers.
Lemon...It’s high time she put up a new post for her loyal readers (Me)
Nautilus...I have a feeling her answers are going to be very interesting.
Anuja...for when she gets back from her holiday.
Meera...whose blog i re-discovered through Iris's :)
The Gypsy...whose blog I read regularly, when she wrote regularly ;)
And to all the lurkers who prowl around for hours but never leave a comment ;)

...and am hoping everyone will Tag-Along! :)

An Update on the New Year Resolutions..

2007-06-25T11:50:00.001+05:30

How time flies when you are having fun! Well, 6 months of the year have flown by before I could even count them! Safe mark for an update on the resolutions, methinks.
Just to refresh your memory; Like everyone else, I had made some Resolutions at the start of this year. Unlike everyone else, I fully intended to keep them. How have I done? Read on to find out…

*I badly failed my ‘I-will-marry-George-Clooney-this-year’ 2005 resolution because I didn’t follow through with it.
Inspired by Cheeni Kum, I broached the topic about Georgie (George Clooney, to you people) and Me to Dad for the nth time. I thought everything was going quite well, because Dad didn’t say a word *though he just kept snorting rudely while trying to glare me down* till I mentioned Georgie’s pet, the late Max. And that’s when Dad went ballistic “A Pig! He had a pig for a pet! What kind of a man has a pig for a pet!!?”
I’ll spare you the rest, because I am really annoyed with Georgie right now. I mean, couldn’t you have a regular dog or something. Or a parakeet, if you wanted exotic, Georgie?

*This year I promise, to take to drinking...at least 12-14 glasses of water every day. All my belongings are being shifted to the loo as you read this.
I am now a certified drunk. At every given opportunity,I glug back water like a thirsty camel. And boy, does it work! Better than any face cream or pack I have ever tried! And cheaper too! Actually, almost free! And thanks to the loo being my second room, I have taken to decorating it with plants and candles and little figurines. Debating between putting in a television set and a magazine rack in there now…

*This year I promise, to stop smoking...at the ears. No more losing-my-cool. No more temper tantrums. I shall face temper-triggers smiling peacefully at images of me mentally assassinating the people who infuriated me, instead.
Smoking is certainly bad for health. Whether you smoke a cigarette, or at your ears.The only drawback of facing-temper-triggers-smiling-peacefully-at- images-of-me-mentally-assassinating-the-people-who-infuriated-me, is that I get a peculiar look on my face which kind of puts me in the category of people I fondly refer to as ‘cuckoo.’ So, this resolution needs a bit of amendment.And I now intend following it without expression, like the Germans.

*This year I promise, to forgive and forget all my old enemies...its high time I made new ones.
Enemies. What enemies?

*This year I promise, to stop lending my shoulder to people to cry on...though it is still available for a per-minute fee.
This was the best one, by far! After Godknowshowmanyyears have I realized what it feels to have burden-free shoulders.These days the only things my shoulders feel are the expert hands of a masseur.

*This year I promise, to keep my mouth shut...and eyes and ears open. I have been living my life the other way around up till now and truth be known, the ‘I-only-open-mouth-to-change-feet’ way of life is kind of affecting my dental-health a little.
Well, I have to confess, this was the toughest one to follow. But what is that saying “when the going gets tough...” And so I am learning to zip up, with great difficulty, but I AM! Difficult task when your eyes and ears are open, but I AM!

This year I promise, to make patience one of my virtues...kidding ya!
This resolution backfired for a bit. Because I became so calm, that when people weren’t assuming that I was dead, my much-worked-for-calm demeanor was being mistaken for indifference, selfishness and whatnot. But hey!As a bonus I’ve learnt you cant please everybody, so though I have toned down my ‘calmness’ a bit I am still maintaining it.Come hell, highwater or misunderstandings!

* This year I promise, to be more technologically-friendly...anything with more than 2 buttons gets me to panic like mad. More than 5 buttons and I am a frazzled woman. Add light, sound and moving things and I am there on the floor, in a dead faint, frothing at the mouth.
Yes, I am called “gavar” (not the vegetable and not affectionately, either) by people around me, but no worries. Who knows, at the end of this year I may just launch a spaceship.
Well, I bought myself a new cell phone. A flip-top one. And learnt to operate it. And learnt to listen to music on it. And learnt to use the hands free and actually talk into it. And learnt to take calls *without cutting them* while listening to music. And learnt to take calls in call waiting *without cutting everyone off and shutting the phone down* And learnt to download ring tones and stuff. And that’s it, for now! What were you expecting? Me to become a techno-whiz overnight?

* This year I promise, to start driving...no longer people up the wall, but an actual engine and metal car, on the road. (I realized the spaceship thingy above is a tad too ambitious for a techno-phobe-on-the-mend.)
*Guiltily slinks away into a corner and whispers from there* No time. No inclination! Yada-yada-yada.
But let me look at the bright side, there are still 6 months to go!

* This year I promise, to conquer my personal demons...namely chocolates, shopping, procrastinating, straightening frames and crooked objects in my own home/other peoples homes/hotels/restaurants/shops and digressing, to name a few.
Please stand up and applaud, because except for chocolates *which I am scarfing down like they are my last few edible moments on earth* and digressing *which I don't think I'll ever stop doing* I have CONCIOUSLY conquered all!

* This year I promise, to never again ignore my gut instinct...for the kick-in-the-butt that follows when I ignore-my-gut makes me resemble J Lo from certain angles.
There is nothing wrong in looking like JLo.But when people start mistaking your much-kicked behind for a ledge and start placing things or seat children on it,that’s when you know you need to stop kicking or start working out *depending on what caused it* So, since I no longer resemble JLo *I stopped kicking* more applause for this please.

*This year I promise, to save 25% of my earnings.......................................................................................the previous statement has set the writer rolling on the floor with unbridled laughter and unable to complete her list.
The writer finally got up from the floor. Stopped guffawing. And started saving up. And is chuffed about it!And promises to sign autographs when you meet up with her.

Note to self : Resolution for next year : Downsize swollen head.

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Movie Review: Jhoom Barabar Jhoom

2007-06-18T17:28:00.000+05:30

Rating *

Crude boy (Abhishek Bachchan) meets Confused girl (Priety Zinta, looking really haggard) at Waterloo Station in London. Both are there to pick up their respective fiancées who are to arrive on the train from Birmingham. The train delayed by an hour forces Crude Boy and Confused Girl to get talking, and how. Audience (Me) hoping some story will emerge soon.

Boy and Girl begin spinning yarns, even as they find themselves being attracted to the other. Their other half’s, French Miss (Lara Dutta) and Goldilocks (Bobby Deol) are introduced by now. Audience is as confused as the Director of the film (Shaad Ali). A couple of garish, over the top, dance sequences with more than 50 extras are thrown in. Audience still waiting for story.

More songs with more extras and more tasteless costumes and dance movements are thrown in. And yes, an idiotically-dressed Mr Amitabh Bachchan also makes random singing-appearances throughout the movie. Audience filing nails while still, optimistically, waiting for story.

The second half of the movie follows the same pattern as the first. An attempt to add a story is made by the scriptwriter but it seems like he abandons it midway. To compensate for the lack of story, you guessed it, more song and dance. By now, Audience thinks of painting toe-nails.

The film thankfully finally crawls towards an end, with the longest, most kitschy song sequence ever. And just when you breathe a sigh of relief that the movie is about to end, Mr Amitabh Bachchan pops up once again to give you, a scare, and a ridiculous explanation of the whole two miserable hours that you spent watching the movie. Audience wows to self-flagellate as penance.

It is difficult to believe that Shaad Ali, who wrote and directed immensely likeable films like ‘Saathiya’ and ‘Bunty Aur Babli’ could have made THIS movie.
Abhishek Bachchan and Preity Zinta give their most insipid performances ever. The costumes by Aki Narula are tasteless (Thank you Mr Narula, for having succeeded in making an iconic superstar like Mr Amitabh Bachchan look like nobody else has: A Fool)
The sets are kitschy and the story zilch. Surprisingly, even the songs, that sound so good on FM and the Tele Promos are hideously loud and badly shot. The cast of ‘The Kumars at No 42’ Meera Syal, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Indira Joshi make fleeting pass-the-popcorn-and-you-miss-them appearances. Tasteless jokes made about Lady Diana and her death and India and Pakistan make you dislike this film even more.

The few good things about this movie are; Lara Dutta who not only looks ravishing, but acts superbly well in all the different parts she has been given *revealing which will reveal the story* A special mention to theatre actor Piyush Mishra as Haneef Bhai who does a great job and leaves his mark in the few scenes that he has. Bobby Deol, though looking completely zapped out of his mind and ridiculous with those golden curls, is surprisingly good too.
Audience is still in shock.

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*Rating Chart

* I want my money back + a fully booked and paid 3 month trip to _________(please fill in a destination of choice)

** I don’t want my money back even though I didn’t like the movie, but director/producer may please pay for my popcorn/cola/samosa/parking.

*** Time and money both well spent!

**** Loved it!

***** Whistle, clap, even smile at irritating neighbor-who-kept-talking-on-cell phone, queue up to buy tickets again and extol virtues of the movie.

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Book Tagged! :)

2007-05-26T23:33:00.000+05:30

The rules of this Tag:
1. Name the person (of course with the link) who tagged you.
2. Describe what you are asked to do, in this case publish 5th paragraph of page 123 of the book you are currently reading. (if the page does not have 5th paragraph, take the last paragraph. And if the book doesn’t have page no. 123, take the last page.)
3. Tag five people.

Iris very sweetly asked me if she could Tag me with this “Book tag” adding “If you don’t feel like it, you can obviously say no! I won’t mind.”
Neki aur pooch, pooch, Iris? (Rough Translation: Asking asking, for doing Good things, Iris?) I thought you would be aware of my over-the-top-excitement about being Tagged by now? :))) So, here goes the Tag, spiked with my own special touches. Thank You, Iris! :)))

I just picked up ‘Everyone Worth Knowing’ by Lauren Weisberger. Weisberger is the author of the phenomenal bestseller ‘The Devil Wears Prada’. I haven’t started reading the book as yet, but I am hoping it equals, if not betters, her first.

This is the 5th paragraph of page 123;
“She laughed and adjusted a five-inch heel, which did little to disguise her height. “Does anyone need a reason to have a little fun? Ohmigod, is that Avery Wainwright? We haven’t had a chance to catch up recently. That boy grew up into a very handsome man, don’t you think?”

About Tagging 5 people....all the People(5 or otherwise) reading this, please feel free to Tag yourself!;)

Take 3! :)

2007-04-18T22:22:00.000+05:30

Blog-hopping one lazy afternoon, I came across Freespirit’s rather interesting blog. Spotting a Tag *my favorite weakness*, I decided to filch it off her, with her kind permission of course.Here it is.I happily Tag Iris and Anuja and am hoping they’ll oblige :))

3 things that scare me
1) Death
2) Fanatics
3) Being underwater

3 people who make me laugh
1) George Bush
2) Jay Leno
3) Jack Black

3 things I love
1) Me
2) Traveling
3) Writing

3 things I hate
1) The sweltering Mumbai summer.
2) Stupid questions
3) Traffic Jams

3 things I don't understand
1) Maps
2) Feminists
3) Why men lie for the smallest, and stupidest, of things.

3 things on my desk
1) A jar of face pack
2) A bowl of rapidly melting chocolate-chip ice cream
3) My feet

3 things I’m doing right now
1) Typing with one finger
2) Crunching down on ice-cubes
3) Playing with my earring

3 things I want to do before I die
I’ve already ticked quite a few off my list, but what still remain unticked are;
1) Get a real tattoo
2) Shave my head
3) Visit Ireland & Morocco.

3 things I can do
1) Write with both hands
2) Sew excellently
3) Make handbags from scratch

3 things you should listen to
1) ‘Afterglow’ by J D *absolutely yummy* Fortune of INXS
2) Deewani by Kailash Kher
3) Woh Kagaaz ki Kashti by Jagjit Singh *preferably live in concert*

3 things you should never listen to
1) Me singing
2) Bappi Lahiri’s ‘You are my chicken fry/You are my fish fry.’
3) The infamous song, ‘Sutta’ :)

3 things i'd like to learn
1) To cycle
2) To drive
3) To keep my gob shut

3 favorite foods
1) Pasta
2) Ice cream
2) Rajasthani Kadhi with chawal

3 beverages I drink regularly
1) Tea
2) Copious amounts of Water
3) Peach iced tea

3 childhood TV shows / books
1) Chitrahaar
2) Mahabharat
3) Yeh jo hai Zindagi

1) Amar Chitra Katha
2) Tinkle
3) Mark & Mandy

Is it just me...

2007-04-06T20:18:00.000+05:30

...who thinks Shahrukh Khan’s wax replica, recently installed at Madame Tussauds in London, looks like a cheap, plastic version of him?
Not that it comes as a surprise, what with a disappointing Amitabh Bachchan

and a most unlike her, Aishwariya Rai
Compared to all the other perfectly cast, Non-Indian people set in wax the 3 Indians look like a hastily done up job with a might-as-well-have-some-Indians-to-attract-more-Indians-here attempt.Or maybe it has something to do with Madame Tussauds opening here in Mumbai in 2009.

Go Watch...

2007-03-18T23:34:00.000+05:30

..the testosterone - charged, delightfully visual treat of a movie simply titled, ‘300’. Based on Frank Miller's graphic novel, "300" set in 480 B.C the story is about the Battle of Thermopylae in which the King of Sparta, ‘King Leonidas’, led his army against the advancing Persians.
An hour and a half of slick direction, splendid special effects and the wonderfully surplus treat of striking, sinewy, strapping, eye-candy that made me feel like I had died and gone to hunk-heaven!;))) And if that wasn’t enough, there is plenty of blood, gore, chopped limbs and heads flying all over the place. Awesome! Just bloody awesome! A must-watch film.

ONLY IF you have time on your hands…

2007-03-13T00:16:00.000+05:30

…do watch the film;

The Pursuit if Happyness starring Will Smith and his absolutely adorable son Jaden Smith.
An inspiring, feel-good, true-life tale of a man’s struggle against heart-wrenchingly difficult circumstances. The pace of the movie is rather sluggish and the story rather predictable, but it sparkles in bits and pieces and worth sitting through for the brilliant performances by Will Smith and his little bundle of talent, Jaden Smith. The on-screen chemistry between father and son in absolutely awesome and you can’t help smiling indulgently at the quick repartee flying back and forth between them.

Dreamgirls starring Beyonce Knowles, Eddie Murphy, Jamie Fox, Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson and a host of others.
A, rather deafening, musical that has undercurrents of emotions, manipulations and deceit running through it. A story of 3 talented girls who start off as unknowns participating in a talent contest and go on to become back-up singers and then stars themselves (Relax, I haven’t given the plot away). A flawless performance by Jamie Foxx, a delightfully- creepy Eddie Murphy, a lovely Beyonce (in spite of furry, asymmetrical eyebrows) and an extremely ear-splitting, though abundantly talented, Jennifer Hudson. The various supporting cast are excellent too, though this movie sorely lacks finesse. But, don’t forget to carry your earplugs!

Of confusion, coffee, 'Bhaiyya' and Nahinnn....;)

2007-02-23T17:54:00.001+05:30

Rajesh Golani's, very amusing post, triggered off this response;

Please note: My post is directed at the questions Rajesh’s post raised and not at him.

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First things first, I absolutely abhor this addressing guys as ‘Bhaiyya’ business. I swear, even my trusted subziwala packs in inferior vegetables when I address him as ‘Bhaiyya’, though my mother vehemently disagrees, citing my annual visits as the real reason.
So imagine the plight of those guys who are addressed as ‘Bhaiyya’ by every Priya, Pinky and Pooja whom they see in ‘that way.’

‘I can’t look at you in that way’ is a line I am guilty of using more times than I would like to admit.

When I was younger, foolish and pushed into a corner and asked to elaborate on why I couldn’t see them ‘that way’, to save my skin and the guys feelings, I’d blurt out ‘Because you are like my brother.’

Though those guys weren’t anything remotely like my brother who, while we're on the subject, is a strapping, tall, dark, handsome, though sometimes very exasperating, lad. Because, if they would be anything like him, minus the exasperating bit, I wouldn’t be using the line ‘I can’t look at you that way’ in the first place.

However, having grown older and wiser, besides realizing and accepting the fact that NO Indians are my bothers, except one, I am now honest enough to not use the ‘Because you are like my brother’ line.

Now, when pushed into a corner and asked to elaborate on the ‘Why’ after I've told them that ‘I can’t look at you that way’ I quell their bubbling curiosity by enlightening them with the precise reason.
Then as I walk away, I hear faint whispers like, ‘...thinks no end of her self...’ , ‘choke her or strangle her?’ and assorted other similar terminology floating my way.

The reasons a girl declines coffee could surprise you. And the biggest surprise is that you hardly figure in any of the reasons.
Ranging from the fact that coffee is not the brew of her choice, to maybe she doesn’t like the cutlery in the particular place you were asking her out to (warned ya, you’d be surprised!)

What? You didn’t mention any place yet?

Oh! Oh! What was the color of the shirt you wearing when you asked, then? (Sorry, but Orange reminds her of the Shiv Sena) What cologne were you wearing? (Sporty colognes remind her of the *&%$#@ ex-boyfriend) Were your shoes right? (Badly scuffed shoes remind her of her horribly cruel PT teacher from school)

So, you see, It’s Not About You.

You think it about looks then? Wrong, again!

Ok, let me explain something more. It is never, ever about good looks and the perfect physique for girls, contrary to what guys think. You don’t believe me?

Ok.

Look around you and tell me who is the hottest hunk women drool over right now? Go on.
It’s Abhishek Bachchan. Does he have the perfect abs? (Not. He even has a bit of a tummy for God’s sake!) Besides a tummy, he has the worst hair and hairstyle in the history of mankind and don’t even get me started about his ungainly gait and the extra weight!
But girls drool over him more than they drool over Hritik Roshan, who has the six-pack, the right hair and hairstyle and chiseled face and what not!
Why? Only God, and the girls, know.

So don’t ever try to fathom why a girl turns down coffee, and trust me when I say It’s Not About You.

Just smile your smile, be yourself and try asking a girl out with a ‘Would you like to join me for a glass of Orange Juice’ instead.
Either she’ll be too stunned to react and just nod a submissive ‘Yes’, or her mind will start whirring faster than the cash register at her favorite boutique and she’ll connect things you can’t even dream of, for instance ‘heaskedmeoutforanorangejuice-thatsmeansheisadifferentsortaguy-whichmeansibettersnaghimbeforeanyofmyfriendsdo.’

And before you know it you’ll be sitting across her, nourishing your health with Vitamin C and nourishing your ego with the smiles she’s flashing your way and maybe, just maybe she’ll start thinking of you and seeing you in ‘that way.’

;)

Book Review: Sister of My Heart

2007-02-19T13:33:00.000+05:30

Sister of My Heart - Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

“Is this author any good?” I asked my librarian, holding up ‘Arranged Marriage’, a book of short stories by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. The Librarian screwed up her nose while her head turning from side to side gestured “No.”
Past recommendations by the very same Librarian had left me with a feeling that I should have remained illiterate, and that’s the reason I had devised this ingenious method of asking her what she thought of a book and snapping it up instantly if she didn’t recommend it.
So I knew it in my bones that I would love reading the short stories authored by the very prolific writer of the ‘Mistress of Spices.’

Though her stories in ‘Arranged Marriage’ were very melancholy, Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni’s (CBD) beautiful writing hooked me in and left me wanting more and very soon I was a fly on the wall in the Chatterjee household of Bengal in her novel ‘Sister of My Heart’.

Anju and Sudha are born within hours of each other, as the shock of their fathers mysterious and sudden deaths force their mothers into untimely labor. They grow up as close as peas in a pod, under the innocent assumption that they are cousin sisters. Though different from the other in every way, Anju is plain, practical and defiant to Sudha’s beautiful, dreamy and impractical, they are each others comfort, pride and joy sharing a bond so strong that no one, not even their mothers, can understand.

Although fatherless ness and financial paucity cast a constant shadow in and around the lives of the women of the Chatterjee household, the warm cocoon of love and stories that their widowed-aunt ‘Pishi-ma’ weaves around Anju and Sudha ensures that they grow up ignorant of the deep dark secrets that nestle in the family.

Their secure bond is shattered when Sudha learns of the dark, family secret and her true connection with Anju’s family and their relationship is never the same again.
As they grow up, Sudha consciously tries to grow apart from the blissfully unaware Anju, but the mystical bond that connected them at birth keeps drawing them together.

Forced into sudden arranged marriages, Anju flies off to far-off America with her husband while Sudha takes on the role of the eldest daughter-in-law of a small-town, controlled by her mother-in-law, household.

Circumstances, changing sentiments and geography wedge distances between them, but tragedy once again brings them closer and they realize that they have only each other to turn to.

‘Sister of My Heart’, pulls you with it as along with the inhabitants of the Chatterjee household you too flow through all the ups and downs and twists and turns their lives take.

CBD’s descriptive characterizations...

“There’s Anju’s mother, whom I call Gouri Ma, her fine cheekbones and regal forehead hinting at generations of breeding, for she comes from a family as old and respected as that of the Chatterjees, which she married into. Her face is not beautiful in the traditional sense—even I, young as I am, know this. Lines of hardship are etched around her mouth and on her forehead, for she was the one who shouldered the burden of keeping the family safe on that thunderclap day eight years ago when she received news of our fathers’ deaths. But her eyes, dark and endless-deep—they make me think of Kalodighi, the enormous lake behind the country mansion our family used to own before Anju and I were born. When Gouri Ma smiles at me with her eyes, I stand up straighter. I want to be noble and brave, just like her.”

“Lastly (I use this word with some guilt), there’s my own mother, Nalini. Her skin is still golden, for though she’s a widow my mother is careful to apply turmeric paste to her face each day. Her perfect-shaped lips glisten red from paan, which she loves to chew—mostly for the color it leaves on her mouth, I think. She laughs often, my mother, especially when her friends come for tea and talk. It is a glittery, tinkling sound, like jeweled ankle bells, people say, though I myself feel it is more like a thin glass struck with a spoon. Her cheek feels as soft as the lotus flower she’s named after on those rare occasions when she presses her face to mine. But more often when she looks at me a frown ridges her forehead between eyebrows beautiful as wings. Is it from worry or displeasure? I can never tell. Then she remembers that frowns cause age lines and smoothes it away with a finger.”

...allow you to clearly visualize and almost ‘see’ the characters as you read the book.

CBD’s enchanting, mystical writing enthralls you page after page...

“But my ears barely register their exchange. I’m occupied by the way my body is unclenching, reforming itself molecule by molecule, arranging itself around my niece like petals around a flower core.”

“Thankfulness fills my mouth, sweet as honey.”

“A rosy happiness has dyed my body through and through.”

“The inside of my mouth is caked with dust. Dust embroiders the lining of my lungs. It presses down on me like and unkempt promise, it sucks up my voice. But I make myself go on.”

“His silence is a block of ice in which I am trapped.”

Wisps of wisdom woven in between her exquisite expressions compel you to take pause to think...

“You must make your own happiness. You must be wise enough to recognize it when it comes. And if it doesn’t come in spite of all your efforts, you must do something about that as well.”

“But then, love it never about deserving, is it? Nor is hate.”

CDB’s distinctive, contemplative perception enlightens that tiny, dark corner of your intellect...

“Isn’t it funny, how we spend so much time holding onto the old ways, not knowing how refreshing change can be.”

“Isn’t it funny, that sometimes the things we’ve feared the most, year after year, turns out to be the best thing that could have happened to us?”

Though the air of melancholy wraps itself around the story, ‘Sister of My Heart’ is by no means a depressing book. Identifiable characters that you cannot help but associate with people who you know or who may be a part of your family. Human emotions so transparently and delicately presented that along with the characters you too experience the sentiments.

A beautifully woven tale that reminds you of the childhood-stories you grew up hearing. And as you turn the last page, you let out a whoosh of breath feeling a kinship with the author who has lent you her thoughts for you to mould them to your perception.

Movie Review : Black Friday

2007-02-11T14:46:00.000+05:30

*Rating : *****

When a film has been suppressed and surrounded in controversy from the time it was conceived till the time it was finally made and released (a good 3+ years) then you bluddy well want to see it as soon as it is out!

So, after giving it a safe one-day period, to observe if theatres would be vandalized by ‘they-who-must-not-be-named’ and armed with a bag heavy enough to put out at least 3 who-must not-be-named miscreants, in case they decide to drop in, I settled in to watch journalist S Hussain Zaidi’s book by the same name transferred to celluloid under the able, unapologetically stark direction of Anurag Kashyap.

As the darkness in the theatre envelopes you, so does the dark mood of the movie as you are taken back to the gruesome day of 12th March 1993 when a series of bomb blasts shook Bombay, as it was then known as, city.

Starting with the actual blasts, which occur because small-time smuggler, Tiger Memon (Pawan Malhotra. Scarily brilliant) swore to burn down the city (Bombay) to avenge the fact that rioters had burnt down his office during the communal clashes of 1992 that followed the Babri Masjid demolition, the film retraces its steps to the planning, the execution, the arrests and interrogations

Tiger brings together people from all over Bombay, fuelling them with talk of religion and vendetta. Calling it ‘jihad’ and igniting them further he pumps in money to get ‘Kala-sabun’ or black soap, the code word for RDX, into the city and gets them trained to use arms and assemble bombs in Pakistan. He then uses his trained, and suitably ignited with religious passion, band to plant bombs all over the city, before escaping to Dubai with his entire family, a day before the blasts.

From there on the movie unfolds as we go behind the scenes to see what happened in the lives of everyone connected to the blasts, from each of the ‘blasts-accused’, as they came to be known as, who were asked to ‘go underground’ (hide) with false promises of a better life in Dubai later on, courtesy Tiger Memon, sitting comfortably away from it all in Dubai, to the Inspectors handling the investigation on whom it took its own personal toll.

Brilliant casting and excellent performances lead you through different angles of the aftermath. Through the eyes of the law, Additional Inspector of Police, Rakesh Maria (K K Menon. Awesomely subdued) leading the investigation and the ones against the law, like Badshah Khan (Aditya Shrivastava) the main-accused, whose pitiful on-the-run plight makes your heart go out to him and all the other characters who play crucial, but bit parts, throughout.

Black Friday is a commendable team effort. A ruthlessly honest film that does not, even for a moment, veer away from the truth or commercialize and sensationalize it.
It portrays the vulnerability of the people who did not think, or rather were incapable of thinking, before they took countless lives under the guise of religion. It portrays the gullibility of people whose thoughts and religious fervor can be controlled and used to the advantage by manipulators.

Watch ‘Black Friday’ to see the other side of the story .Watch ‘Black Friday’ if some part of you turned judgmental after the blasts of 1993. Watch ‘Black Friday’ to see a movie that does not even attempt to be politically correct. Watch ‘Black Friday’ for simply awesome performances by each and every member of the cast. Watch ‘Black Friday’ to see an honest, brilliantly made movie. Watch ‘Black Friday’.

*********************************************************************************

*Rating Chart.

* I want my money back + a fully booked and paid 3 month trip to _________(please fill in a destination of choice)

** I don’t want my money back even though I didn’t like the movie, but director/producer may please pay for my popcorn/samosa/parking.

*** Time and money both well spent!

**** Loved it!

***** Whistle, clap, even smile at irritating neighbor-who-kept-talking-on-cell phone, queue up to buy tickets again and extol virtues of the movie.

Book Review: The Namesake

2007-02-06T10:53:00.000+05:30

I ruminated for almost 2 years, over reading Jhumpa Lahiri’s debut novel ‘The Namesake’ after her Pulitzer Prize winning book of short stories ‘The Interpreter of Maladies’ disappointed me big-time.

The Namesake, now having being filmed and releasing soon, got me curious and I finally sat down to read the book I now wish I had picked up 2 years ago.

The book begins with Ashima and Ashoke Ganguli, Bengali immigrants in a new country strangely awkward around each other after an arranged marriage, welcoming their son into this world. Ashima’s great-grandmother, who has named most of her great-grandchildren, encloses a name for Ashima’s first born in a letter that never does make the long journey from Calcutta to the U.S.A.

Hospital formalities require a name on the birth-certificate without which the baby cannot be discharged. And so, in the absence of grandmother’s letter containing the baby’s name, Ashoke christens his first-born Gogol. Named after Russian author Nikolai Gogol whose writing Ashoke has admired greatly from childhood and who had impacted him in a life-altering experience.

In an almost ritualistic Bengali dual-name tradition of a home-name (pet name) and a ‘good-name’, Gogol, a home-name, soon sticks till it almost becomes his ‘good-name’. Admitting him to school, Ashoke and Ashima realize that they do need a ‘good-name’ after all and rechristen their son Nikhil, something he refuses to accept quite content being Gogol.

So, Gogol happily remains Gogol till he steps into his teens and is suddenly embarrassed by his name. More so when he understands that it wasn’t even a name, but a surname that he was named after to begin with.

His exasperation at his name just scratches the surface of his exasperation and resentment at his Bengali/Indian culture. At his protective parents who resolutely refuse to move with the times, his lifestyle and the sheer Indian-ness of everything that he tries to shrug off at every given opportunity, by defying his parents will and drifting away from them mentally and physically.

Gogol officially changes his name to Nikhil. Nikhil goes through life, graduating, working, falling in love and falling out of it, fighting everything Indian and embracing everything American, till he recognizes he cannot change his past, his roots. And life comes a full circle and along with Ashima and Gogol you too are left introspecting if getting all that you wished for is worth it in the end.

Lahiri’s excellent command over language, well etched characters, graceful and confident writing style and detailed, researched knowledge draw you in and keep you hooked as she seamlessly glides through decades starting from 1968 till 2000 and from Calcutta to Boston.

You grow, age and tire with Ashima and Ashoke Ganguli as they progress from awkward newly weds in a foreign land, as foreign to each other as the country is to them, to concerned parents (Gogol is later joined by his sister, Sonia) fiercely sticking to their roots and forcing their unwilling children to do the same. You meet and mingle with all the people who pass through Gogol’s life and impact it in various ways.

Emotions wash over and sometimes overwhelm you as you share Ashima’s empty isolation, Gogol’s constant internal conflicts and resentments or Ashoke’s quiet acceptance.

You smile through celebrating Bengali rituals and traditions with ‘mashi’s’ (aunts) and ‘mesho’s’ (uncles) and feel uneasy at the twists and turns that come up expectedly in the lives of the Ganguli’s.

From the first line through all 290 pages of the book, each of the finely etched characters draw you in till you feel one with them and when the book ends you are left strangely bereft, like standing all alone in an empty house after all the people you spent time with have left.

‘The Namesake’ is a richly soul-satisfying, introspective, multi-layered and intellectual read that lingers in your thoughts long after you’ve turned the last page. Take a bow, Ms Lahiri, for you have proved that when beauty and brains go together, it makes for a stunning combination.

Do...

2007-02-05T14:51:00.000+05:30

…watch ‘Blood Diamond’ for a great movie-watching experience. Taut script, slick editing, super cinematography, good music and awesome direction. Superb performances by the hugely talented Leonardo Di Caprio (great diction, awesome body language) Jennifer Connelley of the arresting eyes and breathtaking beauty and new-find Djimon Hounsou (super performance, chiseled bod with awesome obliques! Hope he wins that Oscar!). The lush beauty of Africa is a treat and the informative movie gently nudges your conscience without preaching to you.

…give ‘Babel’ a miss. The movie has nothing new to offer and has clearly been made with the Oscars in mind. Good story concept that suffered due to a sad script, screenplay and direction. Notable performances by Brad Pitt(this 'pretty boy' looks so much more sexier when he’s old, grey and filthy) Cate Blanchett(tiny role) new find Japanese actress Rinko Kikuchi, Spanish actors Adraina Barazza and Gael García Bernal (who is the most luscious-lipped hunk I have seen in a while.Yum!)

…watch ‘Rocky Balboa’ for old times sake if you’ve been a diehard Rocky fan who has religiously watched all the previous parts from 1-5 *but, for loyalties sake, have developed convenient amnesia about watching the most embarrassing Rocky 4 and 5 ;)* The movie though very slow, except for the last half hour, has some good parts and dialogues strewn here and there.The ‘Italian Stallion’ hasn’t aged gracefully but he still packs a punch.

Movie Review : Salaam-e-ishq

2007-01-28T00:47:00.000+05:30

Movie Review : Salaam-e-shit

Nikhil Advani made his directorial debut with ‘Kal Ho Na Ho’ his mentor Karan Johar’s production.
Heavily inspired by ‘Love Actually’, ‘Dance with me’ and ’50 first Dates’, Advani presents ‘Salaam-e-ishq’, his 2nd film, which is about 6 different couples dealing with love in its various forms.

The movie begins with the very-much-in-love couple, Ashutosh (John Abraham having a bad-hair, bad-skin and bad-wardrobe lifetime) and Tehzeeb (Vidya Balan. Weird attire of a long kurta worn over a flowing skirt throughout the movie). Between lapping up each others tears, they apparently work (God is my witness! I never saw them doing anything worthwhile, ever!) for a news channel and have barely celebrated their 2nd wedding anniversary when tragedy strikes and, while on the job, Tehzeeb is injured in a fatal accident which causes her to suffer partial memory loss, due to which all the time spent with Ashutosh has been cruelly erased.

Sohail Khan (really cute) and Isha Koppikar (looking gorgeous) are newly-weds who can’t wait to consummate their wedding but circumstances play the villains each time they try.

Young, hip and good-looking couple, Shiven Dungarpur (Akshaye Khanna, he needs a fashion-stylist ASAP!) and Gia (Ayesha Takia. Looking perfectly lovely) are just-engaged as they are introduced on screen. Shiven suddenly develops commitment-phobia on his bachelor party night when he realizes he is losing out on his freedom and decides to do every obnoxious thing he can, to force Gia into calling off the wedding.

London-based, Vinay (Anil Kapoor. Looking horrifically haggard) is celebrating his 40th birthday when he realizes how insipid his life really is. His wife, Seema (Juhi Chawla. Performance and looks, both serene) between being a great mother and wife hardly notices how disgruntled her husband has become. As if on cue, Vinay bumps into a young, dancer-girl Anjali (Anjana Sukhani) on the tube and immediately recognizes that she is the much-needed breath of fresh air his musty life needs.

Raju (Govinda. Looking rather obese and wearing a pathetic hair-piece with a, hold your breath, fringe!) is a taxi driver who, when he isn’t having one-sided conversations with the photograph of Hanuman hanging on his rear-view mirror, dreams of a beautiful maiden, with flowers falling from heaven, bright lights and music heralding her arrival, walking into his life,. Sure enough, his fantasy comes true when a foreigner, Stephanie (Shannon Esrechowitz) arrives from Canada and hails his taxi at the airport. To look for her boyfriend who has come to India looking to find and marry an Indian girl.

Kkamini (Priyanka Chopra. Looking really ordinary *and horrendously bad in some places! She really needs dental work on those gums!*) is an item-girl who dreams of Karan Johar offering her a lead role in his movie. Her hopes are dashed time and again as she is repeatedly offered only item-numbers and ‘no dialogues’. On the suggestion by her manager (Tinnu Anand) she decides to change her image and reputation by coming across as a simple girl and addresses a press-conference where she cooks up a fictitious childhood-sweetheart Rahul. Enter Rahul (Salman Khan, looking yummilious and not a day over 25 *it has to be either La Mer or bluddy Botox!*) who claims to be the childhood-sweetheart Kkamini spoke about. Who is fooling who, is what we wonder as the movie progresses.

And then, like a desperately over-weight person who finds it difficult to move easily, ‘Salaam-e-ishq’ trundles along, weighed down by too many plots and tardy screenplay and direction.

Ashutosh tries everything he can so that Tehzeeb can regain her memory. Sohail and Isha’s efforts bring comic-relief. Shiven is trying his level best to piss Gia and her family off enough to call off the wedding. Vinay shaves off his French Beard, dons cargos and tries to shake a leg to fit in and impress young Anjali. In spite of language being a barrier and his love for Stephanie being one-sided, generous-hearted Raju drives her around, trailing her boyfriend who is on a ‘girl-seeing’ spree. Rahul and Kkamini keep making public appearances and playing games around each other.

To watch what happens to the 6 couples, go torture yourself with 3 hours and 20 minutes of the movie.

Govinda and Akshaye Khanna’s performances bring some comic relief, as do Sohail and Isha Koppikar’s, who are mere fillers and appear sporadically.

Ayesha Takia, Juhi Chawla and Vidya Balan execute their roles flawlessly and naturally with Ayesha Takia really standing out.

John Abraham gets better with each movie, and with this film Priyanka Chopra proves that she can make up for her lack of looks with a great performance and perfect comic –timing. Anil Kapoor, sadly, has forgotten how to act while Salman Khan continues his usual ‘I-am-the-king-of-the-world’ style of acting. The foreigner/new comer Shannon Esrechowitz is passable as is Anjana Sukhani.

The only saving grace is Shankar, Ehsan and Loy’s superb music with all the tracks being unforgettably hummable, and particularly ‘Dil kya kare’ by Adnan Sami, the title track and ‘Tenu leke’ by Sonu Nigam which are my personal favorites. Kailash Kher has really excelled himself with the soulful ‘Ya Rabba.’

Salman Khan and Ayesha Takia’s super costumes deserve a special mention.

As I said earlier, too many plots for the director to handle is what caused the undoing of this film. The movie is tediously and senselessly long, it’s like walking on the treadmill, where you walk and walk at the end of it you are still in the same place.

So what should you do when you have tons of plagiarized ideas, a stable of top-stars, great locations and a super-generous production team? Get a better script-writer and director.

K(h)an-not!

2007-01-23T14:37:00.000+05:30

I’ve been jumping all over the place, screaming ‘Me!Me!’ each time a deep, baritone in the T.V Promo asks ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati?’ but does anybody ever listen to me ? Not.

So, after a futile 2 months of trying to get their attention by the abovementioned act *bad-knee et all*, I settled to watch the curtain finally being raised on Shahrukh Khan asking us the question Mr Amitabh Bachchan’s refined tone has been asking for the past 2 seasons.

In between peeling luscious, red carrots to make Gajar Halwa, I watched a jittery, very-conscious and hamming-true-to-his-style King Khan make a complete fool of himself in the 3rd season of Kaun Banega Crorepati, or KBC as it is more popularly known as.

Attired in a very insipid, charcoal-grey suit and sky-blue tie, a rather haggard looking Shahrukh Khan inaugurated the episode by making a subtle *bitchy* dig at his predecessor and the ‘shudh Hindi’ being used on the show so far.
Khan then rapped in Bengali for the 1st contestant, spoke a smattering of Telegu for the 2nd , addressed the computer as ‘Compaq-da’ and ‘computer-gaaru’, slapped a high-five after every question,spoke gibberish, abbreviated the contestants names in an attempt to be cute, massaged anothers shoulder and if all this wasn’t more than enough, he repeatedly hugged the bejaysus out of the gobsmacked contestants! Shahrukh did everything he could to play to the gallery. Everything that he shouldn’t have.

His determination to turn around the style of the show is obvious. Amitabh Bachchan’s trademark endearing words have been replaced by absurd ones, for eg; ‘Lock-kiya jai?’ is now ‘freeze kar do’. ‘Confident?’ is now something really obnoxious like ‘kaccha-kaccha, pakka-pakka’. ‘Computerji’ is now ‘Mr Computer/Compaq’. ‘Bhaiyyon aur bheno’ is now ‘girls and boys’ and ‘I want to quit’ is, hold your breath, ‘Shahrukh mujhe gale laga lo’ (wt…?!!! not on your life, man!)

The new ‘KBC’ sorely lacks the class, intelligence and elegance Mr Bachchan brought to the show with his own inimitable style. I loved being enlightened by the ‘shudh-hindi’ and the ‘muhavaras’ that he quoted and simply adored the way he put the contestants at ease and his very gracious sense of humor.

Ham Khan on the other hand, brings his nervous energy on to the screen, which in turn rubs off on the contestants making them uneasy and gets them to either behave over-enthusiastically or just sober down completely.

No, Shahrukh Khan doesn’t work for me.

Is it too early to say? Maybe, yes. After all, filling in the illustrious shoes of a living legend can’t be easy, no matter what political connections you may have used to manipulate the show in your favor or the 280 Crore package you get paid for it.

Ho-hum!

Off I go to make the Gajar ka Halwa. Kuch meetha ho jaaye! Wink!

A Slice of Happiness!

The Husband Chronicles - Part 16

The Husband Chronicles - Part 15

The Husband Chronicles - Part 14

Cooking up a storm!

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 13

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 12

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 11

The Marriage Chronicles - Part 1

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 10

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 9

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 8

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 7

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 6

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 5

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 4

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 3

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 2

The Husband Chronicles --- Part 1

Winds of change...

;-D

Oh Boy!

Meet, Osama Balan

Sigh!

If I were...

Housefull : Recipe for disaster

Ladies Special...well, almost!

I wrote for it!:)

Rahul Dulhaniya Le Jaayega (Swayamvar Season 2)

Let’s pretend to be friends

What were they thinking?????

Book Review: The Palace of Illusions by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

I hate you, Ranbir Kapoor!

Movie Review: De Dana Dan

Movie Review: Kurbaan

And the well-deserved WWW Award goes to...

Big Bore!

And the WWW Award goes to...

You know you're all grown up when you...

Wham!

Just read!

Sigh!

Rakhi ka Swayamvar – The Aftermath

Book Review: The Diary of a Social Butterfly

Movie Review: Love Aaj Kal

Book Review: My Friend Sancho

Tagging along, yet again...

Rakhi ka Swayamwar

Guess who's back? ;-D

*G.R.I.N*

Pehchan Kaun!?!?

Tagging along, randomly...

Movie Review: Slumdog Millionaire

Assault on the senses!

My New Year Resolution

AH! WELL!

Oh-Bama!

The Aliens had landed: Part 2

Trinaa's Tag! :)

Looking through my eyes, you'll see...

Movie Review: Karzzzz

Movie Review: Drona

These days...

Book Review : Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen and David Oliver Relin

The Aliens had landed…

Satiating the senses

Movie Review: Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na

Forcefully Tagging self! ;)

Movie Review...

Tales of a Teetotaler

Book Review: The 3 Mistakes of My Life by Chetan Bhagat

Book Review: Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri

My bad!

And if you need to know more about me, you only have to ask...

A News Channel informed me...

Quelle Horreur!

Movie Review : Juno

Movie Review: 27 Dresses

Messages from the other planet

New Year! New Thoughts! New Post!

G.R.I.N